Starting Over

You see that smiling face? Yup that's me, December 27, 2012 taking an amazingly wonderful walk around Quarry Lake in Canmore. I know the risks, a 3 km walk, in -10 degree weather but I just had to. Sometimes we just have to live our lives!!
2013 is a year of starting over. Unfortunately, the accident on October 15 put me in such set back mode that I have felt more pain in the last 2 months than I have felt in the last year!! And of course there is no down time. Work was busier than ever, we are trying to prepare for the holidays, I am dealing with the whiplash from the accident and of course the fibro!

I have been feeling very discouraged. Last year I started feeling better and then I had gall bladder surgery... major setback. This year I started feeling better and BAM!! car accident. My blood tests keep coming back with unhappy results; my body is just not absorbing the nutrients it so vitally needs to combat this disorder!! Oh and a new symptom... major shocks radiating throughout my body. I will literally be sitting there and all of a sudden a pain like a hot knife being torn through the back of my arm, or down my leg, or in a hip!! If I'm walking, I will fall; if I'm carrying a drink, I will drop it. This is very annoying and very painful.

So Dr. Tompkins and I will be having a lot of heart to heart talks on just how much all the changes I am making are, or are not, helping. I mean, nothing she has me do hurts, but it may be time to make more changes.

I plan on attending my next visit with a list of goals, some will be tiny like growing my hair long and being able to maintain it by being able to lift my arms for more than five minutes while others will be larger, like joining a gym so I can lose some of the 40 pounds that has been gained with my inability to stay active. I am going to find out why my body is not absorbing nutrients and I will fix it.

I am not giving up, far from it, I am getting angry! And from that anger will come my will to keep fighting this damn disorder and get better. I can feel better; I will always run the risk of having set backs, but I do believe that I can get better!!

Accident update

It has been 1 1/2 weeks since my accident. I have had a couple of good days but I've had a lot of real bad days.

I have consulted my family doctor and was put on Naproxen (an anti-inflammatory) as I went from fine on Tuesday (the day after the accident) to WOAH where'd that pain come from on Thursday.

I have consulted Dr. Tompkins... my fibro specialist. Her biggest advice was rest and heat. I have been using a heating blanket almost all day... at work and home. But to only use the anti-inflammatories for the two weeks perscribed and no longer.

She explained how ice is so often recommended for my type of injuries but how dangerous it can be. Getting cold causes the nerves to tense up and the muscles to tense up. On top of it... many people ice for too long and can actually cause frost burn and hypothermia in muscles. So not only do we have to get over the issues the cold caused but we have to get over the original issues, injury caused from the accident.

So I have been following that advice. I make sure I'm walking less than 3,000 steps a day (my norm is between 5000 and 6000). Keeping really warm and using Vicks on my aching back muscles.

And of course, I made things worse yesterday. I have started physio so I had that yesterday morning at 7am, then worked until 3:30, saw Dr. Tompkins last night so it was after 7pm before I got to settle down and relax.

Today I am paying for it! I could barely work for more than 3 hours and have been home resting most of the day.

I have most definitely been diagnosed with whiplash and will be doing gentle physio for the next while and resting.

Dr. Tompkins has warned it may take up to 3 months to feel "normal" again if I behave myself and do all I'm told.

So thanks for tuning in... I'll be in touch.

Update update update

CATCH UP

It has been awhile since I've written a blog. I guess I've been so busy living I forget to let you know what's gong on. Well this one is going to be a long one; lots has happened since my last blog and I have a lot to say (but then when don't I!) so grab a cup of tea and settle in.

Since August my life has been full of ups and downs... pretty typical of a fibromyalgia patient's life. I have done some travelling, worked some overtime, been busy with family and friends... all the things any typical human being would be doing. And it all led to a crash at the end of August. But as I look back at all my record keeping I've discovered a couple of things... 1) I have just not been eating as well as normal (a typical reaction when feeling sore or being too busy - sore+busy = lack of appetite = poor diet = feeling more sore) and 2) I was just doing too darn much.

I am at the "Danger Stage" in my fibro rehab. I am feeling so good (not 100% yet) but having so much energy and so little pain that I have really started living my life again. Spending weekends visiting, shopping, going out at night to take in shows, dinner with friends etc. I am not reserving any energy to get me through those days when I have to work overtime or my life is dealing me an extra big hand of cards.

So I have put in some steps - a plan of action if you will - to hopefully calm things down and get back on track. I spend one day of the weekend in complete rest. Sitting on the couch, watching movies, no housework, no cooking; friends can come and visit but it is a relaxing, take me as I am kind of visit where we drink tea and just relax. That is the big step that is really helping!!

I am using my calendar / alarm on my cell phone as well to remind me to eat, take my vitamins, set appointments etc. Sometimes that little alarm is all it takes to remind us to calm down, take care of ourselves and do what's right for us. We really need to learn to use the tools at our finger tips because anyone who suffers from chronic pain knows that the brain is usually the first to go when you aren't well!!

I started developing some leg cramps back in early September. Dr. Tompkins mentiones that leg cramps are usually due to one of three things: lack of calcium, potassium or iodine. Seeing as how one of my daily supplements is iodine, we figured that probably wasn't it so we added a calcium supplement to my regimen (that's not a bad thing considering I am lactose free and my age is working against me on this one) and sure enough in one week my leg cramps are gone!! YIPPEE!!

Though this did bring up that I am just not getting enough salt in my diet either!! Yup... I probably have the ONLY doctor on the face of the earth that encourages her patients to eat salt!! But it is quite true... our main source of iodine (which helps with so many things in our bodies but mostly thyroid function) is in salt. And we have become a salt hating world. Of course, you can have too much of a good thing, and yes a lot of processed foods carry way more than their share BUT if you do avoid process foods and cook "natural" most of the time... you need your salt. If you do not suffer from high blood pressure there is no reason to avoid it. I've blogged about this before but I will do so again. First - avoid Sifto salt... it contains an ingredient they use in horse tranquilizers... bad, bad, bad. Use Windsor instead. Only buy small containers... after a month, the iodine evaporates from the salt so though its taste doesn't change... any health benefits from it are gone. Sea salt does NOT contain as much iodine as your body needs to function properly. You need to use triple the amount of sea salt to get the same iodine you find in a smaller helping of  table salt.

During a recent set of blood work, we found some of the supplements that were improving (vitamin D, thyroid hormones) have dropped again. This is a relatively new finding and I have an appointment with Dr. T. on Wednesday so we'll see what this means. I am just not absorbing the nutrients as I should be. Is this the fibro or is there something else going on... don't know. But I'll let you know as soon as I do.

CAR ACCIDENT

So on Monday, October 15 I was in a pretty nasty accident. I got rear-ended by someone... twice! I was stopped behind a truck that was letting pedestrians cross the road and the fellow behind me, for whatever reason, didn't even put his foot on the break. They figure he was doing between 50-60 when he hit me. He hit me with such force that I slid forward about 3 feet and he hit me again!! I am very concerned he was suffering from a medical emergency. When I got out of my vehicle... relieved that I could walk... I saw him clutch his chest and go sit on the side of the road.

I immediately called 911... but of course, I couldn't remember for the life of me where I was!! Thank goodness for some good samaritans, they helped me get the authorities and an ambulance to our location where they whisked my hitter into the ambulance never to be seen by me again. So I am worried about him, wondering how he is. I found out when I read the police report that the man was 66 years old. I have tried contacting both the hospital and the police but due to privacy laws (and I guess due to the fact that I could and may be filing a law suit) they could not give me any information. My insurance adjuster is going to try to find some info for me so we'll see how that goes.

As we all know, I wasn't feeling too bad the day of the accident... pretty typical. But over the next few days I have developed a lot of back and shoulder pain. I have had chest x-rays because breathing was hurting a bit. And the doctor of course believes I have started to develop whip lash. Ah the joy!! So I have been using heat, I wrap a heated bean bag around my neck and wrap myself in a heating blanket when I'm relaxing at home. I am only working half days right now cause it is all I can handle. The fibro pain is still at a minimum but of course that could change at any time. I am keeping my steps to a minimum and just resting. But not too much rest because that just makes stiff muscles stiffer.

I will be starting physio on Monday. Dr. Tompkins is concerned this could irritate my fibro but all the rest and heat in the world is just not enough right now so I feel I have to do something. I will be cautious, go slow, pay attention and if it makes things worse I'll stop. But sometimes we have to do what feels right to us.

Friday was a very emotional day. I hadn't really cried or reacted too much to the accident before then and on Friday everything reached its head!! We are really busy at work and I was feeling so bad about having to let others take over and adding to their work load. I was feeling bad that my family is going to have to pick up the slack for all that I can't do now... again!! And I was hurting... just downright, excruciating pain!! It was all very overwhelming so I spent a large majority of my day crying and feeling very sorry for myself... and this leads to my next topic... validation!!

EMOTIONS AND VALIDATION

Why is it so important that we don't show how we are really feeling?!? When did it become crucial to hide our feelings? To buck up... upwards and onwards... get over it?!? I don't mean to abuse the situation and stay stuck in these feelings of angst, anger, sadness and depression but why can't we say... HEY... I'M REALLY SORE AND SAD AND PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW!!

I posted on facebook that I was having a bad day and more people told me to get over myself than those that validated my feelings. I'm not angry at them for it... they were just trying to help and meant it in the most supportive way possible. BUT...

I think we need to wake up a little bit. Mental health issues are at an all time high in our society and maybe it's because we don't validate one another's feelings!! I was just in an accident... a pretty bad one... my body is damaged, my car is damaged, my feelings are damaged and it has really been a shitty time!! So give me a break. I am going to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated and I have every right to!!

Of course, there is a time when you do have to deal with these emotions. You can't let them overwhelm you and take over your life. But I was having one day, one moment. Maybe, if we let ourselves feel these things we would be able to deal with it and get over it easier.

Maybe we need to just hug one another, hold one another, shut our mouths and just listen for 5 minutes. Life can deal some pretty shitty blows!! It can be hard and difficult but if we are given a couple of minutes to sort through are feelings... have some feelings... maybe THAT is what will give us the strength to deal with the problems and fix them!! I don't know... maybe I'm wrong... but I don't feel like I am.

STRENGTH

I think strength comes from pain and suffering and surviving that pain and suffering. I think tears are a huge show of strength. It shows that you have strong feelings towards a situation. That you care and you feel.

I got hit, I've done all the paperwork, I've filed all the forms, I've done all the right things. And I have worried.  I worry about the fellow who hit me... is he okay, did he die? Finding out how he is is definitely going to be part of my healing. I worry about the extra stress this is causing my family and friends and co-workers; because not only are they worried about me but they have a lot of extra responsibilities themselves now.

I am going to rant, rage, cry, scream because that is going to give me strength. It is going to give me the strength to dry my tears and do what needs to be done. And I am going to care about the other guy because I am a human being and I care for my fellow man! It isn't called an on-purpose... it's called an accident and I don't wish ill on anyone!!

So help people find their strength; don't tell them how to feel; validate them. Make them feel that their emotions are justified and valid.

Most of all... love one another... be kind to one another and don't assume you know how anyone is feeling. Just ask, love and support no matter what.

Lessons abound!!

Happy Sunday morning all!! It is an amazingly beautiful, sunny day in Cowtown. I can hardly wait to take advantage of my back yard, fresh air and cross stitching galore!!

But I would be remiss if I did not tell you about the new lessons I have learned this week. Wednesday was another exciting, amazing visit with Dr. T. I had only just recently blogged about my anti-depressants and how I am accepting of the fact that I may be on them for the rest of my life. Well... the story has changed somewhat.

I had blogged how I had been feeling unusally irritated and agitated. Top that off with some headaches and crazy dreams and you have a person that may possibly be in need of an anti-depressant dosage change. One of the crazy things about being on anti-depressants is that when your body doesn't need as much, you get the same symptoms as if you need more. True story!! A lot of people will go to their doctor saying their anti-depressants aren't working, they are still sad, lifeless etc and so what does the doctor do? Up the dosage. A little while later those same patients are back in complaining of the same thing and the doctor responds the same way. This can remain a vicious circle until the patient finally cracks... not good. In reality, if the doctor had tried to lower the dosage... the patient very possibly would have started feeling better.

Soooo... when I explained to Dr. T how I had been feeling she said it sounded like an anti-depressant dosage change time. Now here is where Dr. T is an exceptional doctor. She did not say which way we had to change the dosage but as I have noticed such amazing success with my vitamin levels getting better she figured maybe the old hormone levels that control depression are improving too. So starting Thursday we dropped my dosage by half. I will remain on this dosage for two weeks and see how I'm feeling. If I am feeling better but not perfect... then I start the half dosage every second day. Now... on the other hand... if my symptoms get worse after two weeks, I will go the opposite direction taking 1/2 a dosage over my norm. Of course, this dosage change-up is going to be accompanied by a weekly phone call to Dr. T to let her know how things are going. This is probably the most important step to making sure we are on the right track.

I have noticed improvements in the last 3 days. I am not so easily irritated, my anxiouxness seems to be improving and my sleep is definitely improving. But it is early days so I will just keep diarizing my feelings and thoughts and keep the doctors in the loop.

People, I can not stress enough that treatments I undergo and lifestyle changes I make are ALWAYS done under the supervision of either Dr. T my fibro specialist or Dr. Lassila my family doctor. I by all means recommend you talk to your doctor about my experiences and see if my changes are right for you as well. Please do NOT just proceed with treatments I am undergoing without consulting your docctor. If your doctor is not willing to listen to you then you most definitely have to find a new doctor, but talk to your doctor and listen to what they have to say.

So that is the newest, biggest change I am doing right now. All my blood work came back with improvements but not always the improvements I hoped to see. But I am not going to get discouraged. We are staying on the same course of action as I've been on for a couple of months now. My body has to get used to all the new vitamins and minerals I am introducing before we change any dosages of those.

Pain is remaining extremely manageable without medication, some days it is even nonexistant. Energy is through the roof and my attitude remains positive. And really... what else can you ask for?

Bad Day

So not every day is a good day. Some are downright pissy!! Today is one of those days.

Due to my job... I am constantly being pulled in 50 different directions. Normally I find this to be the ultimate challenge and the more balls in the air the happier I am. But some days, like today, all those balls fall down and every single one of them bonks me on the head!!

I was not myself today. I felt it when I woke up this morning. I was not in any large amount of pain... actually I was in a relatively low amount of pain. But I was exhausted... emotionally, physically and mentally.

I get to work and there is a job that needed to be checked... every single piece... all 500 of them!! And I did have help but I was resentful of doing it. And due to the changes I happily have put into action, I am doing a lot of training which means I am being asked questions almost constantly. On top of it all my boss is back after being away for a few days so I have to catch him up. I get caught up in my customers struggles, in all the work on my desk that needs to be done as well as supervising others to make sure they are doing okay and I just wanted to play ostrich and stick my head in the sand!! But as always I remained the little trooper and trudged along.

Then hubby comes to pick me up 15 minutes before his allotted time and I still had a ton of things I wanted to get done but he had football tonight so there is not time to wait!!  So I growl and grumble at him all the way home. And guess what? It didn't make me feel any better.

But this is life isn't it? Not everyday is a good day. When you suffer from chronic pain, a normally pissy type of day like this can be the starting snowball to a big ole snowman sitting on your lap. So I have come home, we had left overs for dinner so I didn't have to think of cooking and I've pretty much been sitting with my feet up ever since.

It is starting to hail so even Mother Nature is having a bit of a day as well. I hope this isn't the onset of a bad spell, that would suck. My sister posted a good note on facebook today that pretty much sums up how I feel... "Sometimes when I say 'I'm Okay' I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight, and say 'I know you're not'."

Little Blessings

Everyday I thank the heavens for all the little blessings in my life. Sometimes the little blessings are the big things that keep us going... the sound of the birds singing; the beautiful sun rise; a friends smile.

I once suffered from post-partum depression which unfortunately led me to chronic depression. I take medication everyday (Effexor) to help me deal with it and on occasion I go for a counselling "tune up" when I feel things are getting too tough to handle or I need more tools to help me deal with the unusual amount of stress I go through. I have accepted that this will be a lifetime struggle for me. But one way to look at it is, if I had diabetes, would I not take my insulin?? Well of course I would, so why would taking my antidepressants every day be any different?

When I was suffering through the worst of my depression, one of the "assignments" my psychologist gave me was to come up with three positive thoughts before I even let my feet touch the floor in the morning. On bad days... sometimes the most positive thought I could come up with was "Well, I woke up this morning." But every morning it became a little easier to come up with those three things. Now I am hard pressed to find three negative things in my life!! It is all about changing the way we perceive the world.

Self-talk is the most important tool in our arsenal against anything bad happening in our life. I go through life listening to people focus and give words to the negative... but there is always something good in every situation. Seriously!! For example, "My dad died today after a long battle with cancer... I'm going to miss him so much" can turn into "My dad's suffering with cancer is finally over... I'm glad I got to spend time with him before he left."

Anyone suffering from ANY illness, physical or mental, needs to recognize the little blessings. ANYONE suffering from ANY stress need to recognize them for that matter!! And you always have to remember that you have the power to change your life. You do not need to sit and wallow in self-pity, you need to pull yourself up by your bootstrings and get going.

It would have been very easy for me to sit back and drug myself senseless when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia; but thank goodness for that psychologist that taught me to count my blessings because now... I'm not satisfied to sit back. I am fighting it tooth and nail and counting those blessings every single day!!

Understanding, acceptance and compassion

Tonight's blog is not about me... it is not about my fibro...

Tonight's blog is for my beautiful sister, Zabrina. Zabrina suffers from bipolar disorder. I have watched Zabrina live in my shadow our entire lives. I obviously didn't put her there, but I sometimes wonder if I've done enough to take her out of it.

Zabrina's largest strength and biggest weakness is her heart. Her whole life she lived to please everyone. She cleaned black boards and stayed after school to help, to be noticed... and instead they said... why aren't your marks as good as your sister's? She would snuggle and love her way through life and always be asked... why aren't you as good, as clean, as smart as your sister?

Her need to please left her open to people who took advantage of that kindness. She was bullied incessantly during elementary school and things didn't get much better for her as she aged.

We lived with parents who were both abused as children and who were both addicts of one kind or another, whether it was alcohol or something else. They did break the cycle of abuse as they knew it. They loved us, the best they knew how. I remember all sorts of wonderful things that they did with us and for us... but Zabrina only remembers the bad stuff. All the love in the world just couldn't help Zabrina be okay with the world and with herself.

And then, instead of supporting her, instead of loving her unconditionally, when she was diagnosed with bipolar I judged her. I wasn't the only one... but my support could have been the difference to her. I read a little bit about bipolar and figured I knew everything. I knew what medications she should... or should not... be taking. I figured I knew what kind of counselling she needed, what kind of cognitive behavioural therapy she should do... I knew it all. And know what? I may have been wrong.

So you may be wondering why the change of heart? As you all know by now... I am dealing with my own issues with fibromyalgia. And everyday I have people tell me what medications to take, what kind of therapy to get... exercise, rest, do this, do that. And I have had people tell me it is all in my mind, that if I didn't want to feel so bad I wouldn't. And this never ceases to annoy me. I am under medical care... we are working on what we feel is best for me and I really don't care what anyone else thinks. I am going to do what feels right for me and my doctor. And if all fails and this doesn't work then maybe I'll take some of the other advise.

But this weekend I heard all this stuff come from someone else's mouth about my sister and her bipolar. Someone who is supposed to be supportive above all else... who is supposed to love unconditionally. And this person wasn't even talking to Zabrina... this person was talking to her son!! He is only 13!! He should not have to carry this responsibility. BUT it did make me open MY eyes.

I do not want people to judge me, to be unsupportive of me so how DARE I do this to her!? Zabrina is fighting the good fight. I worry about her every day. If I can say anything in my defense it is that I just love her so damn much that I can't stand to see her hurt for one second... for her life to not be perfect in every aspect. But I have opened my eyes... I am going to learn as much as I can about this horrible disorder and do everything I can to help her.

I am going to give her all the understanding, acceptance and compassion that I can. I am going to make sure she knows that there is someone in her corner that is going to help her fight... but most importantly... I'm going to love HER with all the love that she has put out in this world.

My beautiful sister, you are amazing. You are kind, you are caring, you are loving. You have talents I can never hope to have and you are so important to me. Never doubt it!!

Quite the week and then some...

Hi all,

For my Calgary friends... I hope you got a chance to get down to the grounds and take in the Stampede. I myself couldn't get over how many people were down there. It never ceases to amaze me how many people we can crowd into that little area!!

Today is not a great day. My pain level is the highest it has been for many weeks. Once I tell you about my week, it is going to be pretty obvious why. And as I was living it... I knew I was taking a great risk by doing all the things I've done and suffering from all the stress I suffered (not to mention that it is PMS week so we were expecting a little higher pain levels).

I started my week by making a pretty major life decision... whether or not to keep working at the job I have had for 15 years. Even though I hold the title of Executive Assistant at work, I am closer to an Office Manager. I don't really do a lot of Executive scheduling... no travel plans, no day to day scheduling. I am, however, responsible for the office equipment, stock and supplies; I maintain customer product and spend the largest portion of my day providing customer service and scheduling production of printing materials from customer phone call till it ships out the door. On top of that, I have been given the added responsibility that I have just felt wasn't, or shouldn't, be a part of my duties.

So on Tuesday, I had a very long discussion with the owner of the company. It was a very difficult conversation as you can well imagine, mostly because no one really likes conflict, but after 15 years in a less than 30 employee company, you make a lot of friends and get very close to a lot of people... so leaving would have been a painful experience. But I am very happy to say that I was heard with respect and an open mind. We are going to make some changes that is going to make my job a little easier and in the long run, I hope to make all of us a little happier (including my customers)!

With all that stress off my shoulders I ended up just plumb exhausted!! This should have been sign one that I really needed to take it easier. But it is summer after all, and the time for staff to start various vacations. And in a smaller company like I work for; during vacation days we all have to take on a few more duties and responsibilities. So I worked quite a bit harder this week than I normally would.

My weeknights were mostly restful and peaceful but as cold is not good for fibromyalgia patients neither is extreme heat. Calgary just went through quite the heat wave with average temperatures topping the high 20s / low 30s so no one was sleeping very well (unless your house is equipped with air conditioning). Whether you are a chronic pain sufferer or not; when the weather gets that hot your whole body just feels swollen and sluggish.

So now we have high stress and high heat adding together. You think I would have stopped and said... hmmm. But no... I had plans this weekend and nothing was getting in my way!! Silly Tab. So off I head to Camp Horizon (near Bragg Creek) to do a wonderful donation presentation. But it was about an hour out during rush hour, half hour back in the car, during this high heat.

Saturday we were off to breakfast with Christopher to wish him a happy 22nd birthday and then I went to the Stampede for the afternoon. Approximately 7 hours of walking kilometre after kilometre. Luckily, the heat was not as bad, we even got a few rain sprinklings along the way.

So now I will suffer for a bit. But sometimes I believe you just have to do these things. Yes it is EXTREMELY important to care for ones self... but is equally important to live. And for me... this week was worth the little bit of pain I will go through. And trust me... compared to a year ago, this is just a little bit of pain.

I would never recommend this course of action for those just starting their journey to recovery. At the beginning, it is just too important to follow the "rules" and take extra care and caution. But I am just truly optimistic that this will just be a minor set back on a journey of growth, wellness and healing.

The Things We Miss

I had another happy, successful appointment with Dr. Tompkins again. I have been feeling so good, pain is low, cognition is up, sleep is better and the hours of energy I have are improving.

One of the things Dr. T mentioned that as people get better, blogs like mine will start to slide. She isn't wrong. I think my blog is as much for me as it is for you and as I feel better, I have less to say.

I am reminded to blog today as a Facebook friend posted on her wall about how bad she is feeling. I have recommended my blog to her realizing this could be her hope... if she is willing to give it a try.

My vitamin regiment has increased as I am now taking iron supplements so that brings me up to vitamin D, iodine, folic acid, and iron (Feramax). I don't know if it is the combo of these things, my better diet, my learning to rest when needed or what but something is working and I am not going to complain.

My pain levels have been sitting at about a 2 or 3/10 (10/10 being worst pain imaginable, 0/10 being no pain at all). I mentioned to Dr. Tompkins last appointment that is if this is as good as I get, I would be happy. She replied back that it is good enough for now, but it wouldn't be good for long. And she is right. I wasn't satisfied with my life as it was and so I've worked hard to get where I am... I can' t imagine a pain level of 2/10 will keep me satisfied for long... I will want to be a 0/10 before too long. So I keep maintaining my diet, my sleep, my vitamins.

When you are in pain, there are a lot of times when you sit and remember the things you used to be able to do that you can't anymore... like hiking, bike riding, walking up a flight of stairs, having sex. Oh yes... you stop having sex. Between no energy, massive pain and pure exhaustion, you can't even imagine having sex.

So... if you are a person suffering, please don't feel guilty about not being able to do these things. You can get better, you will get better you just have to be honest with yourself and work hard. If you are a person who is a friend or family member of a sufferer... please give them a break. They are already feeling so bad that your disbelief, your lack of support, your judgement will keep them sicker longer. If you are a spouse and missing out on the more "romantic" things in life, please be patient.

I do not know what I would do without Jay. He is so patient, so gentle and so considerate. And the most important thing about Jay is that he hasn't quit showing me his love. I still get little snuggles when I'm standing at the kitchen sink, he still holds my hand when we're walking through the mall, he still stops and gives me kisses and tells me how beautiful I am when I am feeling my worse. And I know that all these gentle loves come without the expectation of anything more. He always lets me initiate.

Something that you may not know (if you are the supporter of a chronic pain sufferer) is that sex makes fibromyalgia pain much, much worse. I often had to decide to have sex with my husband or not walk for 3-5 days... often walking would win out. But I am getting better (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) and not only I am I feeling better, but Jay will be feeling better too!! So please, take your time, don't push it.

It is easy to dwell on the things we miss... but you have to put those thoughts away. They need to be come goals, not daydreams. Work hard, eat better, get your rest and you will feel better!!

RESULTS!!

Wow am I ever feeling good these days! I have energy to burn, my pain is down to a minimum and my mood is up!!

I went shopping for 2 1/2 hours yesterday for groceries which I haven't been able to do in years!! And yes, I was pretty sore last night but this morning I feel great. The bottom of my feet are pretty sore but I blame the unsupportive little flip flops I was wearing and not the fibro. Ya, good idea when you are ready to get out and explore the world again to be smart and wear the proper clothing and footwear!!

The night sweats have become a distant memory (okay they've been gone for 4 nights but still!!) which only proves to me that it was those darn birth control pills! So the plan is to wait for my next period, see how I feel the week before and during to see if I am getting better enough that my hormones don't make me relapse. So please keep your fingers crossed cause if I can stay off them I would really like to. If not, we are going to try a different brand that is lower in estrogen.

Speaking of estrogen, I did want to touch base quickly on soy products. Soy is very high in estrogen, that is why it is recommended that perimenopausal and menopausal women eat more soy-based products to minimize the effects of menopause. But for pubescent boys, the estrogen in soy can cause them to grow breasts... not a word of a lie and can make young girls develop faster as well. It is also not great for nonmenopausal women and even for men. High estrogen counts can cause all sorts of problems, not just reproductive related. As with fake sugars... soy is rearing its ugly head in a lot of packaged foods so keep an eye on it. Even those foods that are not vegan/vegetarian related. Processed meats, such as hot dogs, hamburgers and sandwich meats contain high soy contents as fillers. So just be aware... forewarned is forearmed!!

So now that I am starting to notice some serious results from my rehab plan I have to be extra cautious. Now is the time when us crazy chronic pain people (and A-type personalities) start to push ourselves again and relapse. So it is so important for me to be careful. I am obviously sitting here right now with my feet up, resting, talking to you all! But I did mention on facebook I wanted to go find some mischief to get into and my wonderful friend Angela reminded me that maybe today is the best time to find a tree to lean against and catch up on some reading! I can still be outside enjoying this great weather (cause who knows how long it will last?) but I can do it resting. Thank you Angela, always my little devil's advocate but you do help me keep it real.

I would love to go to a park and walk, play frisbee or bike ride but reality check... I'm not cured yet!! And pushing myself can make me relapse. This is where Dr. Tompkins' 100 day plan becomes so important. 100 days of feeling like this pretty much means I'm well on the mend. I will have periods, we will see crazy weather fluctuations and I will have high and low energy days at work within those days. If I continue to feel really great through all this for 100 days then there is a real good chance I will be "cured", for lack of a better word. Then I can hop on that bike and go for kilometres!!

One of my goals for my better days is a bike trip to Canmore. And I am extremely confident I can do that!! But for today my goal is to stay pain free, walk down the stairs with no aches and pains and to finish book 7 of the Legend of Drizzt. Happy Canada Day weekend my Canadian friends! I love you all.

RANTING, RANTING, RANTING

Okay so today I need to, want to, have to RANT!!

I seem to be in a constant battle with Jay and Brittany to eat well and take care of themselves. See a doctor when they are hurting, eat proper food... or eat at all!! And then they argue with me or out and out lie that they have eaten, when I know they haven't. Brittany has even gone so far as to take an empty lunch bag to work so I think she is eating. So you may be asking... so what? It is their bodies and they can do what they want.

SIMPLY BECAUSE I AM ENVIOUS OF THEIR HEALTH!!

You see, once you suffer a chronic illness, have chronic pain or are limited in any way to living your life the way you want, you learn to quit taking life for granted. There are soooo many things I would love to be doing: hiking, biking, joining a gym, swimming. I would love to be able to make plans for three nights in a row without worrying about pain!! So to see a perfectly healthy person throwing their health away, not even paying attention to how they are living it is really hard for me.

I would love to have their bodies. They are healthy, they don't get sore walking up a flight of stairs, they can play sports etc etc etc. Then they don't eat, don't sleep well, don't take care of themselves! They are going to end up where I am!!

I would love to go back in time and talk to 22 year old Tab. Tell her not to push herself too hard. Tell her to deal with her insomnia immediately!! Tell her to go for counselling earlier... deal with things better... be nicer to herself. But I can't do that... so I take it out on Brit and Jay!!

But honestly, it sometimes feels like (and trust me, I do know this is not their intentions) a slap in the face! We don't have to eat well, we don't have to take care of ourselves cause there is nothing wrong with us! Well just how long do you think that will last?!? These feeling won't last long, probably just for today because honestly, being this angry is just too energy consuming. But my day started with an argument about Jay not eating well (no breakie, he didn't pack a lunch and was going to football straight from work) and just went downhill from there.

On top of it I got a phone call today and it was pretty much about people I care about not caring for themselves. And this is another reason to rant today!! People who are not well that do NOTHING to make themselves better. You know who you are, and ya maybe there will be some hurt feelings after this but i don't care. I love you and you are not taking care of yourself and for that I may lose you sooner than I should and so I'm scared and sad!!

I have often been asked advice or people have requested my opinion and I gladly give it to them. Then they don't listen and they stay sick... or get sicker. Then they whine about how sick or sore they are!! This is my ALL TIME pet peeve. Do not bitch at me about how much your life sucks, do not tell me about how sick you are, how much you hurt and then do NOTHING about it!! And listen, you don't just make you suffer... you make those who love you suffer because they are watching you hurt, they are watching you be sick!! AND THERE IS NOTHING THEY CAN DO ABOUT IT!! So if you can't change for yourself... change for them.

There are no easy answers. There are no quick fixes. To be well you have to change your life!! You have to eat well, exercise, sleep well, quit putting so many chemicals in your body!! You need to change your outlook... focus on what is good, what is positive. Let go of the negativity and boost yourself up!!

Okay so I'm done. I've gotten this off my chest. You are all safe. But remember. I love you, even if I've never met you. This world is a wonderful place. I'm here to try to make it a little better for you. So please, put aside the same ole, same ole. Make some changes, work hard, realize how important you are to me, to your family, to your friends. Someone somewhere loves you and needs you so you need to quit throwing your life down the drain and take care of yourself!

Relapses and suggestions

So last night was a not so great night, which normally leads to a day that is not so great.

I slept well from10:30pm - 3:00am but then I was up for about an hour and tossed and turned a lot until 7am. But I finally fell back asleep real deep for a couple more hours.

I woke up with pretty sore hips and shoulders and my calves were cramping with the smallest stretch. But up I got, settled myself into my La-Z-Boy chair wrapped up in my heating blanket for a couple of hours. I am really happy to say that all the pain subsided and I am feeling pretty good. So good in fact that I have picked up a cross stitch that I haven't touched in over a year because it made my hands, wrist and shoulders hurt too much to do.

So today is going to be about relapsing. It does happen. We go along feeling so great for so long that we forget. We forget to eat well, we forget to rest, we forget our healthy sleeping habits and we push ourselves. Sometimes we continue to do all our rehab and we still end up having a relapse. Maybe the weather changed, maybe a trauma happened but we can relapse.

It is really important not to be hard on ourselves when this happens. It is also really important not to get discouraged. We just take a couple of steps back in our rehab and start again. We rest, we relax, we eat super well and hopefully in a few days our pain starts to subside again.

This is when our record keeping becomes really important. It gives us an opportunity to look back and make sure we didn't slip up a bit. Was I on my feet for too long, did I get sufficient rest in the evening, did I start an exercise program I shouldn't have? There have been many times when I haven't maintained my record keeping convincing myself I was too tired, too sore, just plain unable but the reality is, my record keeping takes me less than 3 minutes a day. Of all the things I HAVE to do everyday it is my record keeping.

It can also give us a heads up to prevent a relapse. Whoops, I worked two hours of overtime today, and went out for dinner with the girls yesterday and had that 2 hour bike ride the day before... I better take a couple of nights off so that I don't get myself in trouble. It is just that simple.

Dr. Tompkins says she will have a lot of patients that end up so much better that they quit seeing her for awhile, sometimes for as long as a year. And in that year off they go, living their lives, falling back into those old bad habits, skipping meals, eating junk food and not sleeping.

The other thing we need to be careful of is suggestions. When you live with chronic pain, everyone has a suggestion, a product, a vitamin series, suggestions and ideas on how you can get better. Watch out for these. Do your research, discuss them with your doctor. Don't fall into the trap of the quick fix. Anything worth doing takes time and work. A lot of things seem to be successful and work for the short term, but you have to be careful of the long term side effects.

A lot of "diet" plans are high on diuretics, laxatives, fibers and fillers. Of course you are going to lose weight quickly. But in the long run, the lack of proteins and proper calories will cause your body to lose weight by losing muscle, not fat. Some are really high in soy products which in the long run can cause a break down of our digestive organs and thyroid function. Most diet plans tell you to exercise and increase your fruit and vegetable intake. Well doing this without the extra supplements, shakes etc. will give you the same results without the other long term side effects. I just can't stress enough to check with your doctor before starting anything.

We are not talking about a minimal change for a minimal amount of time. We are talking about a lifestyle change that must last a lifetime. And what are we really sacrificing? We are sleeping, we are eating properly, we are resting and listening to our bodies. This doesn't make us weaker, it makes us stronger... maybe stronger than we have EVER been before. We will find ourselves with more energy for a longer amount of time. We will, literally, be able to climb mountains!!

So I started my day thinking I was having a relapse to, luckily, only be getting a warning sign. So I am listening. And I am feeling better, and I am going back to my cross stitching. Thanks for checking in.

Record Keeping

Well hello my blogger friends... been awhile, sorry about that. I have been feeling pretty good these days and have been a little busier than usual.

I had an extremely positive appointment with Dr. Tompkins last night. I have been feeling good to very good for just over a week now so we have decided I can attempt some very minor "extra exercise" like a 5 min. bike ride or a 15 min. walk. It is not much, but it is very important to remember to take baby steps. Going too far too fast will only give me a set back so there is no sense pushing it.

Today I am going to blog about record keeping. I have been very guilty of calling myself lazy when I don't cook properly or do my homework I'm to do for my appointments with Dr. T, but last night Dr. Tompkins gave me a different view.

People who suffer from chronic pain are not actually lazy so much as they are suffering from a cognitive disability. This means that they have been so ill for so long that they literally are incapable of figuring out how to fit anything else in besides the pain. So something as simple as recording the days events or to figure out a quick meal to cook is just too much work and can be cognitively impossible. So I have to give myself (as well as all the other people I've called lazy) a bit of a break. Pain is very debilitating, and it doesn't just physically stop us; it can mentally and cognitively stop us. That is why you may hear fibromyalgia sufferers say they are suffering from brain fog.

So keeping in mind that we are cognitively disabled, it is pretty easy to understand how we can become forgetful, misinterpret things in our lives and lose our sense of time. This is why record keeping can be so important. Dr. Tompkins has developed various charts to help her patients keep track. It is also a very positive tool to look back upon to see just how far we've come.

Below you will find two charts, one is just empty, the other is one I had previously filled in. Dr. Tompkins calls these bubble charts. This is how her patients track their pain and the possible things that contribute to making them feel better or worse.

So it is pretty obvious how these are filled in. Some patients are in so much pain that their charts are a lot more detailed. They have to record their pain literally hour to hour. I pretty much split my charting in about 4 hour increments. The colouring is my own idea!! I use purple (my favourite colour) when I am feeling Very Good or Excellent, pink when I am Good or Fair and blue when I am Poor or Horrible. I have been filling these charts in since July 2011 and I am happy to say I have only had less than 3 months worth of Poor or Horrible... and most of that was recorded when I was going through my gall bladder problems.

When Dr. Tompkins looks at my charting she is looking for a couple of things. Most importantly, it tells her how I'm feeling but equally important is looking for consistency in pain. So she is mostly hoping to see levels consistently at good for a few weeks then consistently increasing to excellent. Patients who are constantly jumping around can usually pinpoint something that made them feel so good or so poor. Most times when I have dips, I can look back and see that life was particularly stressful, work was extremely busy or I had pushed myself too hard or too much. And sometimes I have fallen of my "plan" and have eaten what I shouldn't have or missed vitamins or haven't eaten enough protein.

You will also notice the circled numbers at the bottom of the charts. Those are my "active" hours in a day. This means time when I am not resting with my feet up! So even if I am sitting, like at my desk at work, it is usually considered "active" time. My goal is to be in excellent levels while having about 100 active hours a week or about 15 active hours a day.

I have never seen another patients logging (obviously) but I do know that I detail things for my own records to help me remember when I've done something such as the day I started taking my Folic Acid supplement or when I start my period (as that is usually something that puts me into poor or horrible). I have also been logging whether or not I take codeine. It is another goal of mine to be completely codeine free by 2013... and I am well on my way to reaching that goal!! I think these kind of records are important.

I learned the hard way just how cognitively disabled I was. Dr. Tompkins had asked me when I had started taking gabapentin (a nerve blocker) when I first started seeing her. I was positive I had only been on it for a few months, but when I checked with Dr. Lassila; she had first prescribed the gabapentin to me 8 months BEFORE I had started seeing Dr. Tompkins. So in order not to make this mistake again (especially now that I am taking supplements which have no prescription record) I have started recording when I start taking things.

I often go back in my records to see how things are working for me. Everytime I start something new, like sleeping with my heating blanket or taking a vitamin supplement I keep a close eye on it to see if I am noticing positive (or negative) results. I also look at it when I have a set back or am feeling particularly sorry for myself. It is very reassuring to realize I AM getting better and I AM noticing positive results with my rehab.

Dr. Tompkins was very encouraging last night about me continuing my blog as well. She does have plans to write a book about her findings and therapies but until that day comes, she can not encourage people enough to share their rehab. The general medical community are very quick to prescribe and ignore; doctors like Dr. Tompkins who are researching other ways to get well are hard to find. And she says there is no better time to be sharing like now when I am beginning to really notice some positive results and my cognitive abilities are much improved. 

So that is all for tonight; the sun is shining, the birds are singing and I have a 15 minute walk to take. Stay well, stay positive and stay healthy!!

It has been a tough couple of days. Still not sleeping great and the sweats are still making life miserable... even with the room getting cooler and cooler. I finally couldn't take it anymore yesterday and gave Dr. T a call. She agreed that I shouldn't stay on the birth control right now. So this morning was my first day without it. Of course, it will probaby take a few days (lord help me if it is weeks) for it to work its way out of my system.

I think today's topic is how to forgive yourself when you take a step back. I have been seeing Dr. Tompkins for just over a year and there are days, like yesterday, where keeping positive becomes just impossible. Let's face it... life just gets hard! Lack of sleep, pain levels, stress with family, friends, work... the tears just start flowing and it can be hard to get them to stop. So don't!

Let the tears flow. They are so healing. Who said you aren't allowed to feel sorry for yourself? I know there are a million people out there who have it a lot worse than we do but sometimes it is all about you!! You are hurting, you are feeling unsupported, you are exhausted... so today, feel sorry for you.

Today is the day where diets be damned!! Today is the day where eating properly isn't important!! Today is the day for pajamas, hot tea, a good book or tear jerker movie. Go ahead and call in sick to work!! Take today and cry, rant, feel sorry for yourself. But then be done!

That's all you get for right now... one day! But if you give yourself that one day that is all you are going to need for awhile! When we don't try to hide our feelings or pretend we are okay, when we give ourselves permission to just feel sorry for ourselves then we get it out of our systems. The next day you will wake up feeling enlightened.

The important thing the day after a day like this is to just forget it. Don't dwell, let it go, pretend it didn't happen. If you snipped, or lost your cool with people, let them know why. Don't ever be too big to apologize. We are only human and we do have our moments. But if you've built that support team as I suggested, you won't have to do too much of that either.

So going a little off topic, Dr. Tompkins has added another vitamin to my regime. I am taking folic acid with dinner every night now. Dr. Tompkins has been learning that keeping folic levels high encourage better sleeping patterns. So I am just taking the Life Brand (Shoppers Drug Mart) Folic Acid, 1mg. I take one at dinner for this week and increase to 2 next week. I have to admit, it is helping. I am feeling sleepier earlier, now if we could just get the night sweats under control maybe I would see that it is going to help me sleep better throughout the night.

Support and how to get it.

So ANOTHER poopy night... and that is a medical term for those wondering. I couldn't get my room cooler than 19 which led to night sweats (changed 3 times) and no heating blanket which meant I got to wake up to the most spectacular leg cramps and sore hips. BUT I did manage a full 8 1/2 hour day with NO codeine!! Yay me!! I would NEVER have been able to make the same claim even a year ago.

So tonight, I have put the window fan in reversed to possibly draw the hot air out as well as having a floor fan blowing on high speed. Fingers crossed folks cause 3 nights of not sleeping well is wearing on this ole body. Oh and in advance, thank you for the suggestions about compact air conditioners etc but for some reason air conditioners (vehicle, building, room) and fibro patients are bitter enemies. They will make me so cold and so sore, more than a snowy day or a fan blowing on me does.

So anyone suffering from chronic pain... especially those of us who are pretty high energy, A-types know that we are used to giving the support, not needing it. When you get hit real hard by chronic pain it is practically impossible to go it alone though. It is very important to find yourself a support team and use them! You HAVE to learn to ask for help and USE it!!

Ideally, our support team would come from our immediate family but sometimes it just doesn't happen that way. They are so used to us always being there for them, doing everything for them that it is really hard to get them to rally FOR us. But hey, we need to give them a break too... cause we created the monsters... but that also means, we can uncreate them!! Add on top of that the naysayers that claim fibro is "All in your mind" or "That's not a real problem" or my favourite "If you didn't want to feel this way you wouldn't" how else do you expect them to feel?

Fibromyalgia doesn't normally creep up on you slowly either. One day you are going along just fine and then the next BAM!! So of course, everyone expects there to be a rational explanation behind your pain and when it starts to drag on (sometimes for years) before you are diagnosed it can get pretty hard for those that see us daily to understand.

So where does that leave you? Lookin for the love, that's what!!

First you have to find yourself some good medical support. You don't need someone that is just going to throw you on drugs and then ignore you for the rest of your life. If you are lucky enough, you will get a great physician like I have (Dr. Laura Lassila at The Alex) who will then put you in touch with another terrific doctor (Dr. Beverly Tompkins at The Burke Institute). And you may need to even throw in a little counselling, mostly to help you accept yourself for who you are now and to help you learn how to give yourself a break. You HAVE to advocate for yourself. You wouldn't hire a babysitter without interviews so why would you see a doctor? I interviewed 10 doctors before finding Dr. Lassila so you have to be persistent. And make sure they know they are being interviewed. Make sure you find someone that has similar beliefs (natural vs. medicinal remedies etc) and make sure you are comfortable. They are your doctor... you should be able to tell them ANYTHING!! And the relief when you have someone behind you, telling you it is NOT all in your head... cause I tell you, you can begin to feel pretty crazy!

And TALK people. Share yourself, share your issues, share your thoughts and feelings. Once upon a time we used to be a society that helped one another. We helped our neighbours, we didn't let anyone go it alone. Well guess what? Deep down inside, we are STILL that way. People are innately good and they want to help you, support you, lift you up when you are suffering. And when you talk you will be AMAZED who is there for you... support where you never thought you would find it.

I am truly blessed. I work with the BEST bunch of people in the world. Angela Mosco, my best friend, is ALWAYS there for a shoulder to cry on. She doesn't try to fix me... she just listens. Lisa MacLeod makes me be honest with myself. She calls a spade a spade and doesn't let me get away with any bullshit... and she is ALWAYS there for hugs and kisses when I need them. Beike Halliday is a great pair of legs! She runs the stairs for me when I am just not capable. And she kicks it into high gear when I can only go backwards. Aeron Tesarek, my quiet strength. She always appears by my side when I don't think I can take anymore and she takes the load off my shoulders. And Yvonne O'Neill who also takes a load off when needed and gives the BEST booby hugs EVER!! She gives me a little mothering when I need it most. The other 12 employees are equally as awesome and I just never have to suffer alone. And isn't that what it is all about?

And last, but most assuredly not least, getting your family on board. Leave literature around about fibromyalgia for them to read. Talk to them. Tell them what you need. You can assure them this will probably not be forever but it is for right now. Make chore lists, we have split the cooking responsibilites three ways here. I no longer "do it all". And yes, it took a bit to get Jay and Brit on board but they get it. And when mom has a little more energy because she is not blown away from cooking and cleaning, organizing and arranging and she has more energy to be fun, go out and have a good time, they really start to get it.

No matter how old, EVERYONE can pull their own weight. Anyone over the age of 12 can help prepare meals... and just think... you are passing on all your family recipes. You will actually send adults out in the world that can take care of themselves! Children as young as 5 can put away their underwear and pick up their toys. Children that are over 13 can be doing their own laundry, completely pitching in with ALL chores. Your teenagers can be running small errands and helping with the younger ones. And turn it into games... set timers to see who gets their chores done best, first!! Have small toys, incentives to make it easier on them. And kids love to feel needed and important.

I do have to caution you about online or even in person support groups. Be careful, some are really awesome and are chalk full of helpful tips, ideas etc. But be cautious of those that are just around so everyone can whine and feel sorry for themselves. If it isn't going to add positivity to your life, you don't need it!

And that leaves me to my final thought. Get rid of the baggage! And yes, it is just that easy!! Stress is a big deterrent to getting better. Having people in your life that are takers only, people that never offer any relief have to go!! You know who I'm talking about, that person that makes you cringe everytime you hear their voice. That friend, neighbour or family member who just keeps asking for more and more even when you just don't have anything left to give. People who never ask how you are but are so quick to whine about all their problems. If you are not getting as much as you are giving, you don't need them. Ya there may be a little guilt at first... but honestly, it doesn't last long. And one day you wake up and you feel lighter, and it takes a moment to realize it's because you dumped the baggage!

We have to love ourselves, we have to respect ourselves, we have to take care of ourselves over all others. Because if we aren't well, we just can't help anyone else. So take a moment to read instead of wash dishes. To let your family cook while you soak in a hot bath and to just LOVE yourself.

Eating Healthy, Vitamins and other things

Hi everyone... I honestly thought it was going to be really difficult to come up with something everyday... but I guess when you live it everyday you sure have a lot to say about it.

So last night I DID NOT get my bedroom cold enough... and at some point I got up and turned my fan off too!! My room only got down to 19 degrees... oh brother. NIGHT SWEATS... I changed 5 times starting at 11:30 pm and continuing straight on till 5 am. Ridiculous. I have still not ruled out that the birth control pills I am taking are causing this because it was never a problem before them. If anyone else has taken Seasonale and had a similar problem I would love to hear about it.

Remarkably enough, I had an incredibly good day... it probably helped that it was my best friend Angela's birthday and we surprised the crap out of her with her gift (a new Kobo)... best reaction EVER!! And it was just a real calm, easy day with not a lot of running around but some really feel good vibes floating in the air.

So let's talk about eating. I mentioned it before but I will mention it again. It is so PATHETIC that when we get busy the first thing we cut out is healthy eating. And I'm sorry, but reality is we have gotten really lazy too. Why spend 30 minutes preparing a meal when I can open the freezer, take something out and nuke it? Because we are making ourselves sick... that's why!! I was one of the worst culprits!! Instead of taking the time to make a healthy meal I would eat a bowl of cereal. And on high pain days it is still hard not to take a short cut and just reach for something quick. But now my something quick is fruit and high grain breads. I just don't buy that other stuff anymore. If you don't buy it... you can't eat it. One of my favourite sayings from Dr. Tompkins "Eat Junk, Feel Like Junk".

First off, we discovered I am lactose intolerant. I think everyone has some lactose issues... I mean how many of us get really phlegmy after a bowl of ice cream or find ourselves a little gassy after a piece of pizza? Humans are the only mammals on earth that continue to consume milk after we are weaned from our mothers so it kind of makes sense. So I have almost cut milk out of my diet completely. I still have my moments of weakness and I'll have a little ice cream or some whip cream on dessert, but I get so sick sometimes when I do that it is just not worth it. Almost 80% of Dr. Tompkins patients are lactose intolerant. Some even feel better pain-wise once they remove it from their diets.

The other major change in my diet is my protein. I have a lot of friends that are vegetarians... and I completely respect their decisions, but I have always been a big believer that we weren't born with canines to eat carrots. Now please, I do not want to start an argument here on meat vs. none. I am only speaking from my experience and that of my doctor's. I very often found my protein in legumes and nuts but have increased my meat, fish and poultry recently and do feel more energetic and stronger. I consume approximately 7 ozs a day this way and my goal is to eventually get up to 11 ozs which is ideal for people with chronic pain. I also make sure... or try really hard... to consume that protein throughout the day instead of just with dinner. If I ever had to hunt for my own meat I may feel a little different... but for now this is working just fine.

So how many of you have been told by your doctor's to watch your salt intake? And how many people do you know with low phosphorous or thyroid problems? When doctors went on their kick to cut out all salt in our diets, they forgot that it was the major way we got our iodine which is extremely important for gland function. I personally have a thyroid problem and have since my youngest son Stuart was born. I have NEVER had a problem with high blood pressure but was always very cautious about my sodium intake. Possibly related... who knows? Sea salt does NOT contain iodine so you have to find other sources... and about the only other source is with supplements. If you do not have a problem with high blood pressure, there is no reason you can not eat salt in moderation. If you do choose to cook with salt, use Windsor brand instead of Sifto. I have learned that Sifto contains a chemical that is dangerous for us. As well, iodine evaporates within about 2 months, so go for smaller containers that you will use up faster.

With our fast-paced lifestyles, we are all working longer hours and not spending as much time outdoors. This, of course, is leading to low Vitamin D levels. Over 75% of the North American population is vitamin D deficient... but again, it is quite prevalent in chronic pain patients. So again, you have a couple of options... you can increase your vitamin D with diet, make sure you get outside for at least 20 minutes in the sun daily or take a supplement. The BEST vitamin D supplement is Ddrops. One drop = 1000 IUs. I am so deficient I take 3 drops a day with dinner. But I am getting better and soon enough I won't need supplements at all.

Vitamin D, phosphorous and iron are all related to muscle development, bone development and energy levels. I guess it goes without saying that it makes sense that such a large amount of chronic pain patients are deficient in some or all of these. Please keep in mind that we are our own advocates. You can always ask your doctor to have you tested.

This leaves me to today's final point. Please DO NOT self-diagnose. It is so important to find a doctor that is going to listen to you. Keep interviewing doctors until you find one that "fits" you. They need to listen to all your symptoms and concerns and they need to test you for EVERYTHING before they settle on a diagnosis. Dr. Tompkins has had the unfortunate incidents where she has accepted "chronic pain" patients to only find out they actually have cancer or muscular dystrophy. You need a doctor that is going to be thorough, listen to you and make the right diagnosis. If something just doesn't make sense or feel right... it probably isn't. Question everything and do what feels right!

Weather, learning no and other things

Good morning my blog followers. I want to thank all of you who keep checking in and reading my blogs. It means a lot to me to feel your support. I hope you are taking away something important from it.

So my sleep wasn't as good last night. I am an extremely light sleeper, even though I wear earplugs to bed everynight. With the window open and that lovely wind ablowing, my door started rattling at about 4am and I just didn't sleep really well after that.

That brings me to today's topic... weather and fibromyalgia. Of all the cities in the world I live in one of the worst for controlling fibromyalgia. With Calgary's constant weather fluctuations it is very hard to control our body temperature and getting cold is one of the worst things to happen to a fibro sufferer.

If a fibro suffererer gets cold even slightly at any point during the day or night, they will usually suffer for the rest of that day. That is why it is so important to dress appropriately. Following the weather has probably become one of my favourite pasttimes. If the weather is extremely warm, I know that the air conditioning will probably be blasting at work. I NEVER wear shorts to work because I just can't keep my legs warm enough. If the weather is cold, I know I will need extra layers.

But as well as the cold, the moisture can be pretty detrimental too. When Jay and I took our trip to Vegas, I felt awesome (except for when I walked my legs off)! Between the dryness and the heat, it was ideal for my fibro. And it wasn't even all that hot while we were there... averaging between 18-22 degrees. The alternate happens when I visit my Auntie Ray in Vancouver. The weather can be sweltering but because of the extreme humidity I usually have some aches and pains (though it doesn't help that I walk like a maniac there either).

I also keep thermometers throughout my house. I always warn visitors they are coming to the tropics when they visit me. I keep my temperature in my house on average at about 24 (excepting my freezing cold bedroom). So if you are planning a visit, dress appropriately.

As you can well imagine, I am feeling a little achy today. Between the lovely weather we are having and the poor sleep things just aren't 100%. That leads me to the other thing I want to talk to you about... learning how to say no!

Go ahead and laugh. But it is the hardest lesson that fibro sufferers have to learn. We are high energy, over busy, neat freak, workaholics. We are the first to volunteer for our kids school events, the first one to take on extra duties at work and the last to leave anywhere so we can make sure everything is tidied up properly. BIGGEST MISTAKE OF OUR LIVES!! This is part of why we are in the mess we are in!

So Sundays in my house is usually housework, laundry days. It is also the day we grocery shop and run any errands that may need to be run. BUT, if I do all that today, I will barely be walking tomorrow. So I have to do things in moderation... I have to... or I will suffer the consequences.

In my case I am very lucky because I have two wonderful people, Jay and Brittany, who will help me get everything done. Jay often goes grocery shopping by himself (and yes ladies, he is perfectly capable... does even better than me sometimes) and does the laundry so I can avoid the stairs. I will still help fold and put the laundry away cause I can usually do that sitting down. I will do a chore, like make my bed, or dust my bedroom and then I will rest for an hour. Then I will clean the bathroom and rest another hour. BUT if I have to run an errand or if we have plans to go visiting or go on a date... I won't do any housework. Know why... because it will still be there to do TOMORROW!! This is what I mean about learning to say no.

There are no laws or rules that state housework has to be done on a certain day or by a certain time. And if your family can not appreciate that... well they can always get up and do it themselves!! Some of you are sitting here reading this going... "ya but". Well my little Nonperformers... you have NO OTHER CHOICE if you want to get better. Don't get me wrong... I played the "ya but" game for a very long time. And I kept getting worse, and worse until I literally could not do it anymore. If I had carried on as I was going, I truly believe I would have been in a wheelchair before long. And there are days when I still get so mad at my body that I do stuff I shouldn't anyway... but boy do I pay for it!!

But besides housework, errands and chores, we have to be careful we don't push ourselves in other ways. This week was very busy for me. Thursday I went and got a mani/pedi with friends, Friday was dad's birthday so we were at my parents for dinner, Saturday I went to the Moscos for dinner and work was so hectic as we were preparing a lot of projects for the upcoming Global Petroleum Show. I still went out and enjoyed all this though. I make choices or plans that will encourage me to relax. We did not go to a restaurant for my dad but ordered pizza at the house. I got to sit on a comfy couch and could stay covered with a blanket. It was the same at the Moscos. We enjoyed a wonderful evening in where I kept my feet up and when the games began, I chose to stay bundled in a blanket, watch the fun and laugh instead of getting up and playing. It was just as fun and I didn't suffer.

But some weekends, no matter how painful it may be, I have to bow out of these types of activities. Only a couple of weekends ago I just HAD to miss my nephew's graduation party. I sure didn't want to... and I even shed a few tears about it... but what fun would I have been sitting there, being in so much pain that I just couldn't enjoy myself. I was invited to the movies, but I was in a lot of pain and sitting for two hours not moving literally cripples me. On a good day I usually wait for everyone else to be out of the theatre so I don't hold people up as I slowly make my way out.

So you make choices, some harder than others. But you be honest, with yourself and your loved ones. You be there when you can, you do chores when you can, you work when you can and you feel better... period!!

This post must carry a warning!! There will be talk of hormones, the female variety and things may get gory... LOL! But if you are brave... carry on!!

I am so happy to be able to start my blog this morning feeling awesome!! I slept like a baby last night for 9 1/2 hours which is such a HUGE deal. I am feeling less pain, I have extra energy and I just feel good! For now. NOW is the important time to remember to stay rested. Take it easy and just relax. Got to build up that excess energy to help me through the hard times. Dinner tonight with the Moscos will just encourage this rest so a great day to look forward to.

So today I want to tell you girls out there... and you guys who love girls... about hormones. I could be walking along feeling AWESOME for weeks. Then those ugly hormone changes would rear their ugly heads and BANG!! I become a crippled old lady! The pain the week before and the week during my period is hell!! I hurt like crazy, I'm completely exhausted, my brain is practically dysfunctional! But just what the hell are we supposed to do about it?!

Well the answer came to me so simply from a wonderful doctor (a gynecologist) by the name of Dr. Paul Martyn. Unfortunately, Dr. Martyn is leaving Calgary to move back to Australia which is sad. There are just not enough doctors who are knowledgeable about fibro so to lose one is hard. Even though I am a 43 year old woman (who is fixed) he suggested birth control. The idea... control the hormones, control the pain. The medication that Dr. Martyn suggested is Seasonale. It is a nonstop medication so I can practically go the next 10 years with no period. He said in about 6 years I go off for a bit, we see if I have the pleasure of menopause yet, if not... back on it for a few more years.  (Jealous yet?? LOL)

This is a relatively new treatment for me so it is early days. I have been on the Seasonale for 5 weeks. The first month didn't really make much difference. I still had a large amount of pain that "week prior" but only really suffered for 5 days instead of the normal 12 so that's good. A little bit of spotting too... but this is a low hormone pill and I do have a tendency to be stubborn... LOL. I have been having some issues with pretty bad night sweats too... like change the jammies type of sweats but with the new sleeping plan Dr. T and I have set up those seem to be improving well. So I will keep recording my wellness and let you know how this goes.

Medications and pain treatment

Recently, you will have seen commercials for fibromyalgia meds... too of the more popular are Lyrica and Cymbalta. The main ingredient in these medications is an anti-depressant. I have had various discussions with many fibromyalgia patients (I think I joined every online support group when I was diagnosed) and the major consensus is that not only do these drugs not work; but they cause extra problems that didn't exist before, some as serious as psychosis. If you have been prescribed these medications, please take caution. Talk to your doctor about ANY changes you experience that are different than your normal day to day symptoms.

I am NOT going to say these drugs shouldn't be used. I am on an anti-depressant myself... I take Effexor. When I do not take the Effexor, my depression gets bad, when my depression is bad, my pain is 10 times worse. Remember... fibromyalgia is a nerve disorder... it is all related. Dr. Tompkins' experience is as her patients get better, their needs for medications go down so this may only be a short term thing.

I think it is very important to remind everyone at this time... I have NO medical training. I am just a stubborn, A-type person who pays close attention to what I am told. I research like crazy... I get second opinions and I advocate for myself. Everything I say here is on the advice of a doctor who specializes in my disorder and from my own experience.

The only medication I take for pain is codeine. I used to take Tylenol 3 but I have developed an intolerance for it so just plain codeine. On a super bad pain day... 2 first thing in the morning normally does the trick and I can get through the day until I can get home, rest and bundle in my heating blanket. Narcotics DO NOT help fibromyalgia pain. It DOES cause addiction and other problems that you just don't need.

If I can keep warm, I will choose that over the drugs. Short term, drugs are okay and important to be able to control your pain. But I have found that electric heat is so much more effective than drugs. Smallest, simplest, easiest thing on earth.

I have a friend who suffers from rheumatoid arthritis, if she is flaring really bad, she has been known to have her husband shovel snow into towels to wrap around her knees! This would kill me!! Arthritis pain is caused from inflammation, you reduce inflammation with cold. Blood tests have proven (in myself as well as others) that there is no inflammation. Fibromyalgia is a nerve disorder... nerves calm down with heat. So some of the best things on a bad day is to soak in a hot tub with some epsom salts, bundle in some warm jammies and bundle in my heating blanket. AAAHHHH!!!

I also find I have to avoid air conditioning... wow can that cause a flare. In the heat of a Calgary summer though, how do you avoid it? Well, if I know I am going to be in a building with air conditioning I dress a little warmer. I often wear my clothes in layers, they can be removed in hotter locations and put on in colder locations. I keep a blanket on my chair at work so I can cover my legs if I start to get sore.

What kind of person are you?

I am going to stop here for today. But I want to end on this note. There are two types of people in this world. Fighters... we don't take no for an answer. We are constantly changing, constantly working to feel better, to get better. We are up on the newest treatments, not afraid to try new things and not afraid to make some sacrificies (like giving up ice cream) to get better. Sometimes we get angry and resentful that we have to do this but getting better is worth it. The other type of people are Nonperformers... they are truly sick, don't get me wrong. But they aren't going to change. They get something out of remaining sick... maybe they get more attention, I don't know. I believe everyone has their plight in life and I truly don't judge them (though it is going to sound like I do). But I don't understand them. If they are going through what I am going through, I just do not understand how they can sit back and accept this pain when there is a possibility to get better. We all have to decide what kind of person we are going to be... a Fighter or a Nonperformer.

I hope I can always be a fighter because I am just not done with this world yet! It is a beautiful place with a lot of opportunities and a lot of pleasures and I want to enjoy all of them... healthy, hardy and strong! I am having a minor set back right now but I'll get there. I just hope a few of you want to join me on the journey.

Sleeping and Rest

So the biggest, and hardest, thing to learn when you suffer from a chronic pain illness is to get more (better) sleep and to learn to rest when your body says so.


It is so hard to believe that we are becoming a society that is progressing ourselves into illness. It seems the busier we get the more we degrade our health; giving up the two most important things: sleep and good diet before we make ANY other changes. We have never been as sick as we are in this time frame, right now. I truly believe it is because we do not get enough sleep and we do not follow healthy diets. We are too worried about doing it faster, sooner, that we take short cuts with our health.


I have NEVER been a good sleeper. Even as a teenager, I was up and moving by 9am or else I felt like I wasted the day. What I didn't realize is that I was actually sick even back then. Sleep is when our bodies regenerate; where illness is cured and health is restored. So if you don't sleep you can't get healthy.


This has been the hardest and most frustrating lesson I have had to learn to date. I always used to be famous for saying "I will get enough sleep when I die!". Well, that could be truer than I know!! First off, sleep apnea is claiming more and more lives... just open up a newspaper or watch tv and you will hear about another person that died suddenly in their sleep.


So things I have learned:
If you dream a lot, you are not getting enough deep, rejuvenating sleep!
If you sweat when sleeping, you are not getting enough deep, rejuvenating sleep!
If you wake up constantly through the night, you are not getting enough deep, rejuvenating sleep!
If you are more tired when you wake up than when you went to bed... well you get it!!


If you are a person, or know a person, who says they do not need 8 hours of sleep I show you a person who is just not as healthy as they should be!


I know this will sound strange but Dr. Tompkins has studied this for many, many years. And her patients who no longer suffer from chronic pain are living proof that this is a tried and true plan...
1) Your room temperature should stay between 12 - 15 degrees celsius... throughout the year! Obviously in Calgary winters, this is easily accomplished just by closing your heating vent on cold days. But even during the summer with the help of open windows and fans we can accomplish this.
2) Sleep with a heating blanket. I personally have purchased a Dual Control, Sunbeam Heating Blanket with 10 temperature settings. (Purchased for approx. $80 at Wal-Mart.) One hour before bedtime, turn the blanket on high. When getting into bed, turn the bed down to 2-3, depending on how cold you keep your room. This will help you sleep like a baby.
3) Use room darkening blinds.
4) DO NOT use items such as tvs or computers in the bedroom or about an hour before bed... they emit blue light which is the same light that people who suffer from vitamin D deficiency or S.A.D. use and actually encourage wakefulness.
5) Sleep with the windows open, even a small crack, even in the winter. It gives you more oxygen which encourages better sleep habits.
6) Eliminate as much outside noise as you can. I have found the easiest way to do this is just to wear earplugs. When I first started using earplugs I found that they would sometimes cause pain in my ears. This is directly related to the fibromyalgia. Dr. Tompkins recommended Life brand Soft earplugs 32 decibals. I trim off about 1/8 of an inch so they do not go too deep into the ear canal.
7) Have a small carb snack before bed. This keeps your metabolic rate up which encourages better sleep patterns. This can include a piece of fruit, piece of bread, handful of nuts etc.


I know this all sounds like a lot to deal with but take it one step at a time. You can actually put your body into shock if you do things too quickly. Just start little (sleeping with bedroom window open) and move up. I do all the things above but still have some sleep problems. Some of this is due to vitamin deficiencies and some of it may be medication but we are working on it. 10 years ago I suffered from horrible sleep insomnia but now I couldn't tell you the last time I had problems falling asleep!! I do sleep better now than I EVER had!!


The next most important thing to pay attention to is getting enough rest. Pain is our body's way of saying "WOAH!!" Most people that have chronic pain are/were high energy, type A personalities... always on the go, always keeping busy!! Well if we don't pay attention to our bodies we won't get better... PERIOD!! This is not saying we will need to keep at rest for the rest of our lives; only until we start feeling much better.


We went so far as to hire a cleaning service so I could give myself a break. A messy house drove me crazy but doing the housework every weekend was killing me. Then Jay lost his job but he kept the house immaculate. Now he is working again and though we are not quite ready to hire the cleaning service again I still do not "do it all!" I have had to learn that there are other ways besides "my way"! Brittany and Jay are just as capable of doing housework as I am. And you know what? If some of the surfaces have a small layer of dust on them... who cares?!?

You HAVE to get your support team on board. Everyone, no matter what age, can do their share. And if you are by yourself? Take it easy. Give yourself a break. You do not have to do ALL the chores in one day. Work a schedule... Mondays=bathroom, Tuesdays=dusting, Wednesdays=kitchen etc. etc. And if you are feeling really good one day... DO NOT revert from the schedule. Do not use up all your excess energy cleaning house!! Rest, read a book, watch a movie!!

I know, I know!! It sounds impossible but the quality of life that we are missing out on is worth it!!

No one knows like I do the resentment, the anger, the anxiety, the guilt that comes with living a life with chronic pain!! You feel like you are letting your friends and family down. You are letting yourself down. But something important to keep in mind... if you had diabetes or cancer, would you feel this way? Well fibromyalgia is every bit real as those "diagnostically proven" disease and disorders. So if you had diabetes, would you take your insulin? Well then, if you have fibromyalgia, you have to rest. Every disorder has a treatment; some are a little easier to take but all treatments must be maintained in order to get better.

So get some rest, get some sleep and when life gets too heavy, share it with someone you love... hell, share it with me!! We will get better, we will get stronger and we will beat this!!