Hi all,
Today's blog is about self-talk and the power of positive thinking. Dr. Tompkins told me she has been recommending my blog to some of her other patients. And it isn't because I am feeling super better or because the fibro has disappeared. It is because in light of ALL the insanity that my body goes through; I still get up every day with a smile on my face ready to tackle the world!!
So here is some positive news... the cardiologist couldn't find anything wrong with me. This turned out to be both good and bad news. Good news because, seriously, who wants to have a heart problem. TOO SCARY!! So my heart looks good, no obvious blockages, no growths, no enlargement. Bad news because I am still having some scary tachycardia arrhythmias that knock my socks off with no obvious reason as to why. If you don't know why, you can't fix them right? So, in early July I will be going for some more tests to try to put our finger on it and see if we can't fix it. But, my life is not in danger and I have pretty much been told to continue to live my life per usual. (But to still watch the caffeine intake... bah!!) But all in all, I'm feeling pretty good about that.
My pain levels are still pretty high, my energy levels are still pretty low but I keep progressing. And I keep talking to myself. YUP... self talk. If you continue to tell yourself you are sick, you are tired, you are useless, you are never going to get better then you are right. You won't. You have to talk positive. You have to talk to yourself about feeling better, about where you are heading, about how you are going to get better. You have to talk about the wonderfulness of the world. It is a beautiful place. You have to work as hard as you can to find the caring and the kindness. Read about the good things going on in the world; find the positive stories. Fill your life with smiles and positive people. And never give up!!
Sometimes, we have to go back to basics. That is what I have been doing. I am re-reading old suggestions from my fibro specialist and checking to see where I've been slipping. So I am back to making sure my bed is comfortable, making sure my diet is complete. Resting when I can, using my heating blanket when the pain is too high and getting my feet up. You can't give up!! And you HAVE to make positive changes.
You can't continue to keep doing the same things over and over again expecting to get better. Sometimes we resent these changes but they are necessary. It is your health, your quality of life, your future that is on the line. Do you really need lactose laden food in your diet? I find healthy, tasty alternatives all the time. Get tested for gluten sensitivities; increase the proteins in your diet. Change your bedroom around so you are getting enough oxygen; make it dark enough, cool enough, comfy enough so you are getting a good nights sleep. (I have posted about all this stuff in previous blogs so please go read them for more details.) Once you see how much better you feel by making these changes the only thing you are going to wonder is "Why didn't I do this sooner?"
So yes, it does seem for every step forward I take, I take two back. And yes, the last couple of years of my life have been full of additional challenges and struggles that a "normal" person would have trouble contending with, let alone a person with chronic pain. But it is a wonderful life! I have filled it full of good, supportive people; health professionals who really listen, friends and family that understand and do not put additional strain on my already taxed body and health and nutrition that are going to help this body thrive and get better. I am fighting the good fight, and NOTHING is going to make me back down! So keep your chin up!! I am here if you need help, guidance or support... but most importantly... NEVER GIVE UP!!
Sunday, 16 June 2013
Saturday, 20 April 2013
Health update... not so sunshiny and rosy
I talk to a lot of people in a week, a lot of people know what I'm going through but not everyone knows everything and things are wonky and a little scary right now. In light of keeping people educated, here is an update.
I believe everyone is aware of my car accident in October 2012. Well, my health has been progressively going downhill since then. Since January I have had two bladder infections a month apart and have had two major viruses that lasted at least three weeks each a month apart. I have now developed hypotension (extremely low blood pressure), chest palpitations and my heart is working too hard (my resting pulse is often over 85 beats per minute from a "normal" previous count of 70).
Two ECGs have come back "normal", my heart sounds fine and all my arteries are (doctor's words) "whooshing" fine but something is definitely wrong. My chest is constricted most times, I am lacking energy like crazy, I get dizzy pretty easy, am often short of breath and I just feel "wrong". I am getting chest x-rays next week to see if my heart is enlarged at all but things are really wonky right now; no one seems to have any answers and to be completely honest, I'm scared shitless!!
The doctors have removed me off ALL supplements and medications except my thyroid medicine to see if it was medicinally related; things kind of calmed down for a bit but it is getting bad again. The doctors have a couple of theories but nothing tangible to back them up. One is that between the car accident and illnesses I may have put my heart under some unusual strain that may or may not calm down on its own. Another theory is that with all the coughing I did with the viruses I may have caused some muscle damage or strain, again that may or may not calm itself down. There are no tangible test results that have them sending me to a cardio specialist yet (though I am getting pretty close to asking them just to send me). I must state now that the doctors are not overly concerned that my condition is life threatening!!
Right now I am being told to rest, try not to get overly stressed, drink lots of water and, believe it or not, intake more salt (too get the blood pressure up). My pain levels have been at a 6/10 or higher for well over a month so I am taking codeine when necessary and using my heating blanket like a maniac.
As you can well imagine, my energy reserves are majorly low. I am "uninvolving" myself from a lot of personal situations with friends and family. I am stepping back from my charitable work, housework is almost non-existent and I'm forcing myself to ignore the phone and just relax.
Fear is a major detriment. No matter how much I tell myself everything is going to be okay... it is very hard not to be scared. I really feel bad (worse than normal) and keeping a rosy outlook on things is a daily challenge. I apologize for bringing you all down with me... but I tell you this in hopes that it will help you understand some unusual changes in my attitude, mood and involvement. And there is always the chance someone else may be going through something similar and may have something positive to add, or may take something positive away with them from this post. As with everything I face in life, I will NOT go down without a fight! I am behaving myself and doing everything I'm told (maybe for the first time ever... LOL). I will keep everyone updated and let you know what, if anything, is discovered.
Thanks in advance for your well wishes and thoughts. I love you.
I believe everyone is aware of my car accident in October 2012. Well, my health has been progressively going downhill since then. Since January I have had two bladder infections a month apart and have had two major viruses that lasted at least three weeks each a month apart. I have now developed hypotension (extremely low blood pressure), chest palpitations and my heart is working too hard (my resting pulse is often over 85 beats per minute from a "normal" previous count of 70).
Two ECGs have come back "normal", my heart sounds fine and all my arteries are (doctor's words) "whooshing" fine but something is definitely wrong. My chest is constricted most times, I am lacking energy like crazy, I get dizzy pretty easy, am often short of breath and I just feel "wrong". I am getting chest x-rays next week to see if my heart is enlarged at all but things are really wonky right now; no one seems to have any answers and to be completely honest, I'm scared shitless!!
The doctors have removed me off ALL supplements and medications except my thyroid medicine to see if it was medicinally related; things kind of calmed down for a bit but it is getting bad again. The doctors have a couple of theories but nothing tangible to back them up. One is that between the car accident and illnesses I may have put my heart under some unusual strain that may or may not calm down on its own. Another theory is that with all the coughing I did with the viruses I may have caused some muscle damage or strain, again that may or may not calm itself down. There are no tangible test results that have them sending me to a cardio specialist yet (though I am getting pretty close to asking them just to send me). I must state now that the doctors are not overly concerned that my condition is life threatening!!
Right now I am being told to rest, try not to get overly stressed, drink lots of water and, believe it or not, intake more salt (too get the blood pressure up). My pain levels have been at a 6/10 or higher for well over a month so I am taking codeine when necessary and using my heating blanket like a maniac.
As you can well imagine, my energy reserves are majorly low. I am "uninvolving" myself from a lot of personal situations with friends and family. I am stepping back from my charitable work, housework is almost non-existent and I'm forcing myself to ignore the phone and just relax.
Fear is a major detriment. No matter how much I tell myself everything is going to be okay... it is very hard not to be scared. I really feel bad (worse than normal) and keeping a rosy outlook on things is a daily challenge. I apologize for bringing you all down with me... but I tell you this in hopes that it will help you understand some unusual changes in my attitude, mood and involvement. And there is always the chance someone else may be going through something similar and may have something positive to add, or may take something positive away with them from this post. As with everything I face in life, I will NOT go down without a fight! I am behaving myself and doing everything I'm told (maybe for the first time ever... LOL). I will keep everyone updated and let you know what, if anything, is discovered.
Thanks in advance for your well wishes and thoughts. I love you.
Saturday, 23 February 2013
Re-evaluating
It has been many weeks since my last post. A lot of stuff has been going on in my life and everytime I came on here to discuss it I would either rant too much or start crying and had to stop. I intended this blog to be a tool to help my friends and family understand me and what I've been going through; to make them realize I am fighting the good fight but to also educate others going through what I'm going through. To maybe give someone else some hope that they can live with this disorder and maybe even beat it. I really don't want it to become another place filled with negatives and hopelessness. But, the reality is that sometimes in this battle that is all you have left.
For those of you who believe fibromyalgia is all in your head... you may have a point. Here's an interesting little story. In March 2011 I had a brain MRI that showed an unusually large amount of lesions. I was carted off to neurologists with the very real possibility of a diagnosis for Multiple Sclerosis (MS). But no... I don't have any other symptoms... thank goodness. But to make sure we did a follow up MRI in January 2013. After a very stressful phone call from my doctor to come in to discuss the results (isn't that always a fun call to get) and two stressfull weeks of waiting I was thankful to hear there hasn't been any changes. I was told by the doctor though that if all they looked at was my brain MRI they would diagnosis me with MS and that would be that. So, maybe, just maybe, fibromyalgia is a neurological disorder. I thankfully have a very amazing set of doctors caring for me but I can tell you right now MRIs are not the norm for people suffering the symptoms I have. I truly believe ALL chronic pain / fibro / chronic fatigue patients should have a brain MRI. I believe if we can prove it is a neurological disorder maybe we can start finding a way to cure it. But that is a battle for another day.
As I had mentioned earlier, I was in a car accident on October 15, 2012 (I think that date will be forever engraved in my memory). I have not felt so bad and been in so much pain and been so exhausted since I first started seeing Dr. Tompkins for the fibromyalgia back in March 2011! An important thing to mention here is one of the number one causes of fibromyalgia is a physical trauma such as a car accident. I would be willing to hazard a guess that approximately 30% or more of Dr. Tompkins patients developed fibromyalgia from an accident. But the one thing I wasn't expecting was that I now have a new diagnosis of chronic fatigue.
Woah, let me tell you, chronic fatigue takes the fibro and makes it seem like a walk in the park. EVERY second of my day has turned into a battle!! I fight to wake up in the morning (even after 8 hours of undisturbed sleep)! I fight to pick out clothes to wear, brush my teeth, wash my face. Unfortunately, this is a tired that no caffeine can cure. I have to go to work, my life does not allow me to take sick leave or too many sick days at this point. Add to it that I have a high stress, time-sensitive job that does not allow for someone to be sick or feel sorry for themselves. I was very thankful for the month of February at first because we weren't busy. But this last week has been more hectic than normal and we had people on holidays so there just weren't as many hands around as there would normally be to see me over the bad times.
That caused me a lot of resentment. I wasn't mad at any one person, I was mad at the disorder, at the fates, at the heavens. But of course, who got the brunt of it? My family, my co-workers, my friends. For that I am truly sorry. But Angela, I owe you the biggest apology of all. It is really hard for me to talk about this right now and I often turned you away with a cold shoulder. It wasn't anything you had done... as a matter of fact if there is anyone in this world that would understand me (or at least try) it is you. So I am sorry.
But that brings me to an important, selfish, point. We always ask everyone "How are you?" And sometimes we even want to know! I don't want to tell people how I am. How I really am is exhausted, not just "worked hard feeling a little tired", I mean bone weary, brain numbing exhausted. I don't know whether to yell, scream, cry or fall asleep. I hurt, everyday, there are shooting pains going through me that feel almost like constant bug stings. My body does not want to cooperate, sometimes my knees won't bend or I have no strength to hold a coffee cup. I can't make it through the day without a handful of codeine and I don't want to be that dependant on anything! And I'm scared. This is the worst I have felt in a very long time... and I am scared I'm not going to get past this. And I'm angry. I'm a good person, I volunteer, I help my community, I give and I want to be involved. And I can't be!! By the end of a work week there is NOTHING left!! So if you ask me how I am... I'm going to say "I'm fine". Sometimes because I just really want to be; sometimes because if I say how I really am I'm going to lose it but mostly because I am trying to stay as positive as I can. So I'm Fine... I know you know I'm not really, but let me have this one okay? Don't pry, don't try to pull it out of me, just let me be Fine.
And of course, life goes on. I have a child with moderate Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) who needs constant attention and has many of her own struggles (but that's a blog for another day). And my husband severely injured his ankle so MY main care giver is out of commission. So I have a few more responsibilities than normal, more work to do.
But I have to believe that this too shall pass. I have to believe that Dr. Tompkins is going to come up with something, that we will put our finger on something that is going to be the answer to getting me better. So I trudge through all the things she has taught me. I keep following my sleeping patterns, eating patterns, resting as needed. I keep getting those damn blood tests that are always less than positive but we can't seem to get this darn body to absorb vitamins right now. Some days I just want to throw my hands in the air and just stop doing everything but what if? What if tomorrow is the day that all this work pans out? So I will keep trying and I will keep telling you how I am doing in the hopes that something I'm doing is going to help you. Every story is different... every journey is different. But sometimes there are similarities... and sometimes we triumph!!
Saturday, 29 December 2012
Starting Over
2013 is a year of starting over. Unfortunately, the accident on October 15 put me in such set back mode that I have felt more pain in the last 2 months than I have felt in the last year!! And of course there is no down time. Work was busier than ever, we are trying to prepare for the holidays, I am dealing with the whiplash from the accident and of course the fibro!
I have been feeling very discouraged. Last year I started feeling better and then I had gall bladder surgery... major setback. This year I started feeling better and BAM!! car accident. My blood tests keep coming back with unhappy results; my body is just not absorbing the nutrients it so vitally needs to combat this disorder!! Oh and a new symptom... major shocks radiating throughout my body. I will literally be sitting there and all of a sudden a pain like a hot knife being torn through the back of my arm, or down my leg, or in a hip!! If I'm walking, I will fall; if I'm carrying a drink, I will drop it. This is very annoying and very painful.
So Dr. Tompkins and I will be having a lot of heart to heart talks on just how much all the changes I am making are, or are not, helping. I mean, nothing she has me do hurts, but it may be time to make more changes.
I plan on attending my next visit with a list of goals, some will be tiny like growing my hair long and being able to maintain it by being able to lift my arms for more than five minutes while others will be larger, like joining a gym so I can lose some of the 40 pounds that has been gained with my inability to stay active. I am going to find out why my body is not absorbing nutrients and I will fix it.
I am not giving up, far from it, I am getting angry! And from that anger will come my will to keep fighting this damn disorder and get better. I can feel better; I will always run the risk of having set backs, but I do believe that I can get better!!
Thursday, 25 October 2012
Accident update
It has been 1 1/2 weeks since my accident. I have had a couple of good days but I've had a lot of real bad days.
I have consulted my family doctor and was put on Naproxen (an anti-inflammatory) as I went from fine on Tuesday (the day after the accident) to WOAH where'd that pain come from on Thursday.
I have consulted Dr. Tompkins... my fibro specialist. Her biggest advice was rest and heat. I have been using a heating blanket almost all day... at work and home. But to only use the anti-inflammatories for the two weeks perscribed and no longer.
She explained how ice is so often recommended for my type of injuries but how dangerous it can be. Getting cold causes the nerves to tense up and the muscles to tense up. On top of it... many people ice for too long and can actually cause frost burn and hypothermia in muscles. So not only do we have to get over the issues the cold caused but we have to get over the original issues, injury caused from the accident.
So I have been following that advice. I make sure I'm walking less than 3,000 steps a day (my norm is between 5000 and 6000). Keeping really warm and using Vicks on my aching back muscles.
And of course, I made things worse yesterday. I have started physio so I had that yesterday morning at 7am, then worked until 3:30, saw Dr. Tompkins last night so it was after 7pm before I got to settle down and relax.
Today I am paying for it! I could barely work for more than 3 hours and have been home resting most of the day.
I have most definitely been diagnosed with whiplash and will be doing gentle physio for the next while and resting.
Dr. Tompkins has warned it may take up to 3 months to feel "normal" again if I behave myself and do all I'm told.
So thanks for tuning in... I'll be in touch.
I have consulted my family doctor and was put on Naproxen (an anti-inflammatory) as I went from fine on Tuesday (the day after the accident) to WOAH where'd that pain come from on Thursday.
I have consulted Dr. Tompkins... my fibro specialist. Her biggest advice was rest and heat. I have been using a heating blanket almost all day... at work and home. But to only use the anti-inflammatories for the two weeks perscribed and no longer.
She explained how ice is so often recommended for my type of injuries but how dangerous it can be. Getting cold causes the nerves to tense up and the muscles to tense up. On top of it... many people ice for too long and can actually cause frost burn and hypothermia in muscles. So not only do we have to get over the issues the cold caused but we have to get over the original issues, injury caused from the accident.
So I have been following that advice. I make sure I'm walking less than 3,000 steps a day (my norm is between 5000 and 6000). Keeping really warm and using Vicks on my aching back muscles.
And of course, I made things worse yesterday. I have started physio so I had that yesterday morning at 7am, then worked until 3:30, saw Dr. Tompkins last night so it was after 7pm before I got to settle down and relax.
Today I am paying for it! I could barely work for more than 3 hours and have been home resting most of the day.
I have most definitely been diagnosed with whiplash and will be doing gentle physio for the next while and resting.
Dr. Tompkins has warned it may take up to 3 months to feel "normal" again if I behave myself and do all I'm told.
So thanks for tuning in... I'll be in touch.
Saturday, 20 October 2012
Update update update
CATCH UP
It has been awhile since I've written a blog. I guess I've been so busy living I forget to let you know what's gong on. Well this one is going to be a long one; lots has happened since my last blog and I have a lot to say (but then when don't I!) so grab a cup of tea and settle in.
Since August my life has been full of ups and downs... pretty typical of a fibromyalgia patient's life. I have done some travelling, worked some overtime, been busy with family and friends... all the things any typical human being would be doing. And it all led to a crash at the end of August. But as I look back at all my record keeping I've discovered a couple of things... 1) I have just not been eating as well as normal (a typical reaction when feeling sore or being too busy - sore+busy = lack of appetite = poor diet = feeling more sore) and 2) I was just doing too darn much.
I am at the "Danger Stage" in my fibro rehab. I am feeling so good (not 100% yet) but having so much energy and so little pain that I have really started living my life again. Spending weekends visiting, shopping, going out at night to take in shows, dinner with friends etc. I am not reserving any energy to get me through those days when I have to work overtime or my life is dealing me an extra big hand of cards.
So I have put in some steps - a plan of action if you will - to hopefully calm things down and get back on track. I spend one day of the weekend in complete rest. Sitting on the couch, watching movies, no housework, no cooking; friends can come and visit but it is a relaxing, take me as I am kind of visit where we drink tea and just relax. That is the big step that is really helping!!
I am using my calendar / alarm on my cell phone as well to remind me to eat, take my vitamins, set appointments etc. Sometimes that little alarm is all it takes to remind us to calm down, take care of ourselves and do what's right for us. We really need to learn to use the tools at our finger tips because anyone who suffers from chronic pain knows that the brain is usually the first to go when you aren't well!!
I started developing some leg cramps back in early September. Dr. Tompkins mentiones that leg cramps are usually due to one of three things: lack of calcium, potassium or iodine. Seeing as how one of my daily supplements is iodine, we figured that probably wasn't it so we added a calcium supplement to my regimen (that's not a bad thing considering I am lactose free and my age is working against me on this one) and sure enough in one week my leg cramps are gone!! YIPPEE!!
Though this did bring up that I am just not getting enough salt in my diet either!! Yup... I probably have the ONLY doctor on the face of the earth that encourages her patients to eat salt!! But it is quite true... our main source of iodine (which helps with so many things in our bodies but mostly thyroid function) is in salt. And we have become a salt hating world. Of course, you can have too much of a good thing, and yes a lot of processed foods carry way more than their share BUT if you do avoid process foods and cook "natural" most of the time... you need your salt. If you do not suffer from high blood pressure there is no reason to avoid it. I've blogged about this before but I will do so again. First - avoid Sifto salt... it contains an ingredient they use in horse tranquilizers... bad, bad, bad. Use Windsor instead. Only buy small containers... after a month, the iodine evaporates from the salt so though its taste doesn't change... any health benefits from it are gone. Sea salt does NOT contain as much iodine as your body needs to function properly. You need to use triple the amount of sea salt to get the same iodine you find in a smaller helping of table salt.
During a recent set of blood work, we found some of the supplements that were improving (vitamin D, thyroid hormones) have dropped again. This is a relatively new finding and I have an appointment with Dr. T. on Wednesday so we'll see what this means. I am just not absorbing the nutrients as I should be. Is this the fibro or is there something else going on... don't know. But I'll let you know as soon as I do.
CAR ACCIDENT
So on Monday, October 15 I was in a pretty nasty accident. I got rear-ended by someone... twice! I was stopped behind a truck that was letting pedestrians cross the road and the fellow behind me, for whatever reason, didn't even put his foot on the break. They figure he was doing between 50-60 when he hit me. He hit me with such force that I slid forward about 3 feet and he hit me again!! I am very concerned he was suffering from a medical emergency. When I got out of my vehicle... relieved that I could walk... I saw him clutch his chest and go sit on the side of the road.
I immediately called 911... but of course, I couldn't remember for the life of me where I was!! Thank goodness for some good samaritans, they helped me get the authorities and an ambulance to our location where they whisked my hitter into the ambulance never to be seen by me again. So I am worried about him, wondering how he is. I found out when I read the police report that the man was 66 years old. I have tried contacting both the hospital and the police but due to privacy laws (and I guess due to the fact that I could and may be filing a law suit) they could not give me any information. My insurance adjuster is going to try to find some info for me so we'll see how that goes.
As we all know, I wasn't feeling too bad the day of the accident... pretty typical. But over the next few days I have developed a lot of back and shoulder pain. I have had chest x-rays because breathing was hurting a bit. And the doctor of course believes I have started to develop whip lash. Ah the joy!! So I have been using heat, I wrap a heated bean bag around my neck and wrap myself in a heating blanket when I'm relaxing at home. I am only working half days right now cause it is all I can handle. The fibro pain is still at a minimum but of course that could change at any time. I am keeping my steps to a minimum and just resting. But not too much rest because that just makes stiff muscles stiffer.
I will be starting physio on Monday. Dr. Tompkins is concerned this could irritate my fibro but all the rest and heat in the world is just not enough right now so I feel I have to do something. I will be cautious, go slow, pay attention and if it makes things worse I'll stop. But sometimes we have to do what feels right to us.
Friday was a very emotional day. I hadn't really cried or reacted too much to the accident before then and on Friday everything reached its head!! We are really busy at work and I was feeling so bad about having to let others take over and adding to their work load. I was feeling bad that my family is going to have to pick up the slack for all that I can't do now... again!! And I was hurting... just downright, excruciating pain!! It was all very overwhelming so I spent a large majority of my day crying and feeling very sorry for myself... and this leads to my next topic... validation!!
EMOTIONS AND VALIDATION
Why is it so important that we don't show how we are really feeling?!? When did it become crucial to hide our feelings? To buck up... upwards and onwards... get over it?!? I don't mean to abuse the situation and stay stuck in these feelings of angst, anger, sadness and depression but why can't we say... HEY... I'M REALLY SORE AND SAD AND PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW!!
I posted on facebook that I was having a bad day and more people told me to get over myself than those that validated my feelings. I'm not angry at them for it... they were just trying to help and meant it in the most supportive way possible. BUT...
I think we need to wake up a little bit. Mental health issues are at an all time high in our society and maybe it's because we don't validate one another's feelings!! I was just in an accident... a pretty bad one... my body is damaged, my car is damaged, my feelings are damaged and it has really been a shitty time!! So give me a break. I am going to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated and I have every right to!!
Of course, there is a time when you do have to deal with these emotions. You can't let them overwhelm you and take over your life. But I was having one day, one moment. Maybe, if we let ourselves feel these things we would be able to deal with it and get over it easier.
Maybe we need to just hug one another, hold one another, shut our mouths and just listen for 5 minutes. Life can deal some pretty shitty blows!! It can be hard and difficult but if we are given a couple of minutes to sort through are feelings... have some feelings... maybe THAT is what will give us the strength to deal with the problems and fix them!! I don't know... maybe I'm wrong... but I don't feel like I am.
STRENGTH
I think strength comes from pain and suffering and surviving that pain and suffering. I think tears are a huge show of strength. It shows that you have strong feelings towards a situation. That you care and you feel.
I got hit, I've done all the paperwork, I've filed all the forms, I've done all the right things. And I have worried. I worry about the fellow who hit me... is he okay, did he die? Finding out how he is is definitely going to be part of my healing. I worry about the extra stress this is causing my family and friends and co-workers; because not only are they worried about me but they have a lot of extra responsibilities themselves now.
I am going to rant, rage, cry, scream because that is going to give me strength. It is going to give me the strength to dry my tears and do what needs to be done. And I am going to care about the other guy because I am a human being and I care for my fellow man! It isn't called an on-purpose... it's called an accident and I don't wish ill on anyone!!
So help people find their strength; don't tell them how to feel; validate them. Make them feel that their emotions are justified and valid.
Most of all... love one another... be kind to one another and don't assume you know how anyone is feeling. Just ask, love and support no matter what.
It has been awhile since I've written a blog. I guess I've been so busy living I forget to let you know what's gong on. Well this one is going to be a long one; lots has happened since my last blog and I have a lot to say (but then when don't I!) so grab a cup of tea and settle in.
Since August my life has been full of ups and downs... pretty typical of a fibromyalgia patient's life. I have done some travelling, worked some overtime, been busy with family and friends... all the things any typical human being would be doing. And it all led to a crash at the end of August. But as I look back at all my record keeping I've discovered a couple of things... 1) I have just not been eating as well as normal (a typical reaction when feeling sore or being too busy - sore+busy = lack of appetite = poor diet = feeling more sore) and 2) I was just doing too darn much.
I am at the "Danger Stage" in my fibro rehab. I am feeling so good (not 100% yet) but having so much energy and so little pain that I have really started living my life again. Spending weekends visiting, shopping, going out at night to take in shows, dinner with friends etc. I am not reserving any energy to get me through those days when I have to work overtime or my life is dealing me an extra big hand of cards.
So I have put in some steps - a plan of action if you will - to hopefully calm things down and get back on track. I spend one day of the weekend in complete rest. Sitting on the couch, watching movies, no housework, no cooking; friends can come and visit but it is a relaxing, take me as I am kind of visit where we drink tea and just relax. That is the big step that is really helping!!
I am using my calendar / alarm on my cell phone as well to remind me to eat, take my vitamins, set appointments etc. Sometimes that little alarm is all it takes to remind us to calm down, take care of ourselves and do what's right for us. We really need to learn to use the tools at our finger tips because anyone who suffers from chronic pain knows that the brain is usually the first to go when you aren't well!!
I started developing some leg cramps back in early September. Dr. Tompkins mentiones that leg cramps are usually due to one of three things: lack of calcium, potassium or iodine. Seeing as how one of my daily supplements is iodine, we figured that probably wasn't it so we added a calcium supplement to my regimen (that's not a bad thing considering I am lactose free and my age is working against me on this one) and sure enough in one week my leg cramps are gone!! YIPPEE!!
Though this did bring up that I am just not getting enough salt in my diet either!! Yup... I probably have the ONLY doctor on the face of the earth that encourages her patients to eat salt!! But it is quite true... our main source of iodine (which helps with so many things in our bodies but mostly thyroid function) is in salt. And we have become a salt hating world. Of course, you can have too much of a good thing, and yes a lot of processed foods carry way more than their share BUT if you do avoid process foods and cook "natural" most of the time... you need your salt. If you do not suffer from high blood pressure there is no reason to avoid it. I've blogged about this before but I will do so again. First - avoid Sifto salt... it contains an ingredient they use in horse tranquilizers... bad, bad, bad. Use Windsor instead. Only buy small containers... after a month, the iodine evaporates from the salt so though its taste doesn't change... any health benefits from it are gone. Sea salt does NOT contain as much iodine as your body needs to function properly. You need to use triple the amount of sea salt to get the same iodine you find in a smaller helping of table salt.
During a recent set of blood work, we found some of the supplements that were improving (vitamin D, thyroid hormones) have dropped again. This is a relatively new finding and I have an appointment with Dr. T. on Wednesday so we'll see what this means. I am just not absorbing the nutrients as I should be. Is this the fibro or is there something else going on... don't know. But I'll let you know as soon as I do.
CAR ACCIDENT
So on Monday, October 15 I was in a pretty nasty accident. I got rear-ended by someone... twice! I was stopped behind a truck that was letting pedestrians cross the road and the fellow behind me, for whatever reason, didn't even put his foot on the break. They figure he was doing between 50-60 when he hit me. He hit me with such force that I slid forward about 3 feet and he hit me again!! I am very concerned he was suffering from a medical emergency. When I got out of my vehicle... relieved that I could walk... I saw him clutch his chest and go sit on the side of the road.
I immediately called 911... but of course, I couldn't remember for the life of me where I was!! Thank goodness for some good samaritans, they helped me get the authorities and an ambulance to our location where they whisked my hitter into the ambulance never to be seen by me again. So I am worried about him, wondering how he is. I found out when I read the police report that the man was 66 years old. I have tried contacting both the hospital and the police but due to privacy laws (and I guess due to the fact that I could and may be filing a law suit) they could not give me any information. My insurance adjuster is going to try to find some info for me so we'll see how that goes.
As we all know, I wasn't feeling too bad the day of the accident... pretty typical. But over the next few days I have developed a lot of back and shoulder pain. I have had chest x-rays because breathing was hurting a bit. And the doctor of course believes I have started to develop whip lash. Ah the joy!! So I have been using heat, I wrap a heated bean bag around my neck and wrap myself in a heating blanket when I'm relaxing at home. I am only working half days right now cause it is all I can handle. The fibro pain is still at a minimum but of course that could change at any time. I am keeping my steps to a minimum and just resting. But not too much rest because that just makes stiff muscles stiffer.
I will be starting physio on Monday. Dr. Tompkins is concerned this could irritate my fibro but all the rest and heat in the world is just not enough right now so I feel I have to do something. I will be cautious, go slow, pay attention and if it makes things worse I'll stop. But sometimes we have to do what feels right to us.
Friday was a very emotional day. I hadn't really cried or reacted too much to the accident before then and on Friday everything reached its head!! We are really busy at work and I was feeling so bad about having to let others take over and adding to their work load. I was feeling bad that my family is going to have to pick up the slack for all that I can't do now... again!! And I was hurting... just downright, excruciating pain!! It was all very overwhelming so I spent a large majority of my day crying and feeling very sorry for myself... and this leads to my next topic... validation!!
EMOTIONS AND VALIDATION
Why is it so important that we don't show how we are really feeling?!? When did it become crucial to hide our feelings? To buck up... upwards and onwards... get over it?!? I don't mean to abuse the situation and stay stuck in these feelings of angst, anger, sadness and depression but why can't we say... HEY... I'M REALLY SORE AND SAD AND PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW!!
I posted on facebook that I was having a bad day and more people told me to get over myself than those that validated my feelings. I'm not angry at them for it... they were just trying to help and meant it in the most supportive way possible. BUT...
I think we need to wake up a little bit. Mental health issues are at an all time high in our society and maybe it's because we don't validate one another's feelings!! I was just in an accident... a pretty bad one... my body is damaged, my car is damaged, my feelings are damaged and it has really been a shitty time!! So give me a break. I am going to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated and I have every right to!!
Of course, there is a time when you do have to deal with these emotions. You can't let them overwhelm you and take over your life. But I was having one day, one moment. Maybe, if we let ourselves feel these things we would be able to deal with it and get over it easier.
Maybe we need to just hug one another, hold one another, shut our mouths and just listen for 5 minutes. Life can deal some pretty shitty blows!! It can be hard and difficult but if we are given a couple of minutes to sort through are feelings... have some feelings... maybe THAT is what will give us the strength to deal with the problems and fix them!! I don't know... maybe I'm wrong... but I don't feel like I am.
STRENGTH
I think strength comes from pain and suffering and surviving that pain and suffering. I think tears are a huge show of strength. It shows that you have strong feelings towards a situation. That you care and you feel.
I got hit, I've done all the paperwork, I've filed all the forms, I've done all the right things. And I have worried. I worry about the fellow who hit me... is he okay, did he die? Finding out how he is is definitely going to be part of my healing. I worry about the extra stress this is causing my family and friends and co-workers; because not only are they worried about me but they have a lot of extra responsibilities themselves now.
I am going to rant, rage, cry, scream because that is going to give me strength. It is going to give me the strength to dry my tears and do what needs to be done. And I am going to care about the other guy because I am a human being and I care for my fellow man! It isn't called an on-purpose... it's called an accident and I don't wish ill on anyone!!
So help people find their strength; don't tell them how to feel; validate them. Make them feel that their emotions are justified and valid.
Most of all... love one another... be kind to one another and don't assume you know how anyone is feeling. Just ask, love and support no matter what.
Sunday, 5 August 2012
Lessons abound!!
Happy Sunday morning all!! It is an amazingly beautiful, sunny day in Cowtown. I can hardly wait to take advantage of my back yard, fresh air and cross stitching galore!!
But I would be remiss if I did not tell you about the new lessons I have learned this week. Wednesday was another exciting, amazing visit with Dr. T. I had only just recently blogged about my anti-depressants and how I am accepting of the fact that I may be on them for the rest of my life. Well... the story has changed somewhat.
I had blogged how I had been feeling unusally irritated and agitated. Top that off with some headaches and crazy dreams and you have a person that may possibly be in need of an anti-depressant dosage change. One of the crazy things about being on anti-depressants is that when your body doesn't need as much, you get the same symptoms as if you need more. True story!! A lot of people will go to their doctor saying their anti-depressants aren't working, they are still sad, lifeless etc and so what does the doctor do? Up the dosage. A little while later those same patients are back in complaining of the same thing and the doctor responds the same way. This can remain a vicious circle until the patient finally cracks... not good. In reality, if the doctor had tried to lower the dosage... the patient very possibly would have started feeling better.
Soooo... when I explained to Dr. T how I had been feeling she said it sounded like an anti-depressant dosage change time. Now here is where Dr. T is an exceptional doctor. She did not say which way we had to change the dosage but as I have noticed such amazing success with my vitamin levels getting better she figured maybe the old hormone levels that control depression are improving too. So starting Thursday we dropped my dosage by half. I will remain on this dosage for two weeks and see how I'm feeling. If I am feeling better but not perfect... then I start the half dosage every second day. Now... on the other hand... if my symptoms get worse after two weeks, I will go the opposite direction taking 1/2 a dosage over my norm. Of course, this dosage change-up is going to be accompanied by a weekly phone call to Dr. T to let her know how things are going. This is probably the most important step to making sure we are on the right track.
I have noticed improvements in the last 3 days. I am not so easily irritated, my anxiouxness seems to be improving and my sleep is definitely improving. But it is early days so I will just keep diarizing my feelings and thoughts and keep the doctors in the loop.
People, I can not stress enough that treatments I undergo and lifestyle changes I make are ALWAYS done under the supervision of either Dr. T my fibro specialist or Dr. Lassila my family doctor. I by all means recommend you talk to your doctor about my experiences and see if my changes are right for you as well. Please do NOT just proceed with treatments I am undergoing without consulting your docctor. If your doctor is not willing to listen to you then you most definitely have to find a new doctor, but talk to your doctor and listen to what they have to say.
So that is the newest, biggest change I am doing right now. All my blood work came back with improvements but not always the improvements I hoped to see. But I am not going to get discouraged. We are staying on the same course of action as I've been on for a couple of months now. My body has to get used to all the new vitamins and minerals I am introducing before we change any dosages of those.
Pain is remaining extremely manageable without medication, some days it is even nonexistant. Energy is through the roof and my attitude remains positive. And really... what else can you ask for?
But I would be remiss if I did not tell you about the new lessons I have learned this week. Wednesday was another exciting, amazing visit with Dr. T. I had only just recently blogged about my anti-depressants and how I am accepting of the fact that I may be on them for the rest of my life. Well... the story has changed somewhat.
I had blogged how I had been feeling unusally irritated and agitated. Top that off with some headaches and crazy dreams and you have a person that may possibly be in need of an anti-depressant dosage change. One of the crazy things about being on anti-depressants is that when your body doesn't need as much, you get the same symptoms as if you need more. True story!! A lot of people will go to their doctor saying their anti-depressants aren't working, they are still sad, lifeless etc and so what does the doctor do? Up the dosage. A little while later those same patients are back in complaining of the same thing and the doctor responds the same way. This can remain a vicious circle until the patient finally cracks... not good. In reality, if the doctor had tried to lower the dosage... the patient very possibly would have started feeling better.
Soooo... when I explained to Dr. T how I had been feeling she said it sounded like an anti-depressant dosage change time. Now here is where Dr. T is an exceptional doctor. She did not say which way we had to change the dosage but as I have noticed such amazing success with my vitamin levels getting better she figured maybe the old hormone levels that control depression are improving too. So starting Thursday we dropped my dosage by half. I will remain on this dosage for two weeks and see how I'm feeling. If I am feeling better but not perfect... then I start the half dosage every second day. Now... on the other hand... if my symptoms get worse after two weeks, I will go the opposite direction taking 1/2 a dosage over my norm. Of course, this dosage change-up is going to be accompanied by a weekly phone call to Dr. T to let her know how things are going. This is probably the most important step to making sure we are on the right track.
I have noticed improvements in the last 3 days. I am not so easily irritated, my anxiouxness seems to be improving and my sleep is definitely improving. But it is early days so I will just keep diarizing my feelings and thoughts and keep the doctors in the loop.
People, I can not stress enough that treatments I undergo and lifestyle changes I make are ALWAYS done under the supervision of either Dr. T my fibro specialist or Dr. Lassila my family doctor. I by all means recommend you talk to your doctor about my experiences and see if my changes are right for you as well. Please do NOT just proceed with treatments I am undergoing without consulting your docctor. If your doctor is not willing to listen to you then you most definitely have to find a new doctor, but talk to your doctor and listen to what they have to say.
So that is the newest, biggest change I am doing right now. All my blood work came back with improvements but not always the improvements I hoped to see. But I am not going to get discouraged. We are staying on the same course of action as I've been on for a couple of months now. My body has to get used to all the new vitamins and minerals I am introducing before we change any dosages of those.
Pain is remaining extremely manageable without medication, some days it is even nonexistant. Energy is through the roof and my attitude remains positive. And really... what else can you ask for?
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