Happy Sunday morning all!! It is an amazingly beautiful, sunny day in Cowtown. I can hardly wait to take advantage of my back yard, fresh air and cross stitching galore!!
But I would be remiss if I did not tell you about the new lessons I have learned this week. Wednesday was another exciting, amazing visit with Dr. T. I had only just recently blogged about my anti-depressants and how I am accepting of the fact that I may be on them for the rest of my life. Well... the story has changed somewhat.
I had blogged how I had been feeling unusally irritated and agitated. Top that off with some headaches and crazy dreams and you have a person that may possibly be in need of an anti-depressant dosage change. One of the crazy things about being on anti-depressants is that when your body doesn't need as much, you get the same symptoms as if you need more. True story!! A lot of people will go to their doctor saying their anti-depressants aren't working, they are still sad, lifeless etc and so what does the doctor do? Up the dosage. A little while later those same patients are back in complaining of the same thing and the doctor responds the same way. This can remain a vicious circle until the patient finally cracks... not good. In reality, if the doctor had tried to lower the dosage... the patient very possibly would have started feeling better.
Soooo... when I explained to Dr. T how I had been feeling she said it sounded like an anti-depressant dosage change time. Now here is where Dr. T is an exceptional doctor. She did not say which way we had to change the dosage but as I have noticed such amazing success with my vitamin levels getting better she figured maybe the old hormone levels that control depression are improving too. So starting Thursday we dropped my dosage by half. I will remain on this dosage for two weeks and see how I'm feeling. If I am feeling better but not perfect... then I start the half dosage every second day. Now... on the other hand... if my symptoms get worse after two weeks, I will go the opposite direction taking 1/2 a dosage over my norm. Of course, this dosage change-up is going to be accompanied by a weekly phone call to Dr. T to let her know how things are going. This is probably the most important step to making sure we are on the right track.
I have noticed improvements in the last 3 days. I am not so easily irritated, my anxiouxness seems to be improving and my sleep is definitely improving. But it is early days so I will just keep diarizing my feelings and thoughts and keep the doctors in the loop.
People, I can not stress enough that treatments I undergo and lifestyle changes I make are ALWAYS done under the supervision of either Dr. T my fibro specialist or Dr. Lassila my family doctor. I by all means recommend you talk to your doctor about my experiences and see if my changes are right for you as well. Please do NOT just proceed with treatments I am undergoing without consulting your docctor. If your doctor is not willing to listen to you then you most definitely have to find a new doctor, but talk to your doctor and listen to what they have to say.
So that is the newest, biggest change I am doing right now. All my blood work came back with improvements but not always the improvements I hoped to see. But I am not going to get discouraged. We are staying on the same course of action as I've been on for a couple of months now. My body has to get used to all the new vitamins and minerals I am introducing before we change any dosages of those.
Pain is remaining extremely manageable without medication, some days it is even nonexistant. Energy is through the roof and my attitude remains positive. And really... what else can you ask for?
Sunday, 5 August 2012
Tuesday, 31 July 2012
Bad Day
So not every day is a good day. Some are downright pissy!! Today is one of those days.
Due to my job... I am constantly being pulled in 50 different directions. Normally I find this to be the ultimate challenge and the more balls in the air the happier I am. But some days, like today, all those balls fall down and every single one of them bonks me on the head!!
I was not myself today. I felt it when I woke up this morning. I was not in any large amount of pain... actually I was in a relatively low amount of pain. But I was exhausted... emotionally, physically and mentally.
I get to work and there is a job that needed to be checked... every single piece... all 500 of them!! And I did have help but I was resentful of doing it. And due to the changes I happily have put into action, I am doing a lot of training which means I am being asked questions almost constantly. On top of it all my boss is back after being away for a few days so I have to catch him up. I get caught up in my customers struggles, in all the work on my desk that needs to be done as well as supervising others to make sure they are doing okay and I just wanted to play ostrich and stick my head in the sand!! But as always I remained the little trooper and trudged along.
Then hubby comes to pick me up 15 minutes before his allotted time and I still had a ton of things I wanted to get done but he had football tonight so there is not time to wait!! So I growl and grumble at him all the way home. And guess what? It didn't make me feel any better.
But this is life isn't it? Not everyday is a good day. When you suffer from chronic pain, a normally pissy type of day like this can be the starting snowball to a big ole snowman sitting on your lap. So I have come home, we had left overs for dinner so I didn't have to think of cooking and I've pretty much been sitting with my feet up ever since.
It is starting to hail so even Mother Nature is having a bit of a day as well. I hope this isn't the onset of a bad spell, that would suck. My sister posted a good note on facebook today that pretty much sums up how I feel... "Sometimes when I say 'I'm Okay' I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight, and say 'I know you're not'."
Due to my job... I am constantly being pulled in 50 different directions. Normally I find this to be the ultimate challenge and the more balls in the air the happier I am. But some days, like today, all those balls fall down and every single one of them bonks me on the head!!
I was not myself today. I felt it when I woke up this morning. I was not in any large amount of pain... actually I was in a relatively low amount of pain. But I was exhausted... emotionally, physically and mentally.
I get to work and there is a job that needed to be checked... every single piece... all 500 of them!! And I did have help but I was resentful of doing it. And due to the changes I happily have put into action, I am doing a lot of training which means I am being asked questions almost constantly. On top of it all my boss is back after being away for a few days so I have to catch him up. I get caught up in my customers struggles, in all the work on my desk that needs to be done as well as supervising others to make sure they are doing okay and I just wanted to play ostrich and stick my head in the sand!! But as always I remained the little trooper and trudged along.
Then hubby comes to pick me up 15 minutes before his allotted time and I still had a ton of things I wanted to get done but he had football tonight so there is not time to wait!! So I growl and grumble at him all the way home. And guess what? It didn't make me feel any better.
But this is life isn't it? Not everyday is a good day. When you suffer from chronic pain, a normally pissy type of day like this can be the starting snowball to a big ole snowman sitting on your lap. So I have come home, we had left overs for dinner so I didn't have to think of cooking and I've pretty much been sitting with my feet up ever since.
It is starting to hail so even Mother Nature is having a bit of a day as well. I hope this isn't the onset of a bad spell, that would suck. My sister posted a good note on facebook today that pretty much sums up how I feel... "Sometimes when I say 'I'm Okay' I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight, and say 'I know you're not'."
Sunday, 29 July 2012
Little Blessings
Everyday I thank the heavens for all the little blessings in my life. Sometimes the little blessings are the big things that keep us going... the sound of the birds singing; the beautiful sun rise; a friends smile.
I once suffered from post-partum depression which unfortunately led me to chronic depression. I take medication everyday (Effexor) to help me deal with it and on occasion I go for a counselling "tune up" when I feel things are getting too tough to handle or I need more tools to help me deal with the unusual amount of stress I go through. I have accepted that this will be a lifetime struggle for me. But one way to look at it is, if I had diabetes, would I not take my insulin?? Well of course I would, so why would taking my antidepressants every day be any different?
When I was suffering through the worst of my depression, one of the "assignments" my psychologist gave me was to come up with three positive thoughts before I even let my feet touch the floor in the morning. On bad days... sometimes the most positive thought I could come up with was "Well, I woke up this morning." But every morning it became a little easier to come up with those three things. Now I am hard pressed to find three negative things in my life!! It is all about changing the way we perceive the world.
Self-talk is the most important tool in our arsenal against anything bad happening in our life. I go through life listening to people focus and give words to the negative... but there is always something good in every situation. Seriously!! For example, "My dad died today after a long battle with cancer... I'm going to miss him so much" can turn into "My dad's suffering with cancer is finally over... I'm glad I got to spend time with him before he left."
Anyone suffering from ANY illness, physical or mental, needs to recognize the little blessings. ANYONE suffering from ANY stress need to recognize them for that matter!! And you always have to remember that you have the power to change your life. You do not need to sit and wallow in self-pity, you need to pull yourself up by your bootstrings and get going.
It would have been very easy for me to sit back and drug myself senseless when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia; but thank goodness for that psychologist that taught me to count my blessings because now... I'm not satisfied to sit back. I am fighting it tooth and nail and counting those blessings every single day!!
I once suffered from post-partum depression which unfortunately led me to chronic depression. I take medication everyday (Effexor) to help me deal with it and on occasion I go for a counselling "tune up" when I feel things are getting too tough to handle or I need more tools to help me deal with the unusual amount of stress I go through. I have accepted that this will be a lifetime struggle for me. But one way to look at it is, if I had diabetes, would I not take my insulin?? Well of course I would, so why would taking my antidepressants every day be any different?
When I was suffering through the worst of my depression, one of the "assignments" my psychologist gave me was to come up with three positive thoughts before I even let my feet touch the floor in the morning. On bad days... sometimes the most positive thought I could come up with was "Well, I woke up this morning." But every morning it became a little easier to come up with those three things. Now I am hard pressed to find three negative things in my life!! It is all about changing the way we perceive the world.
Self-talk is the most important tool in our arsenal against anything bad happening in our life. I go through life listening to people focus and give words to the negative... but there is always something good in every situation. Seriously!! For example, "My dad died today after a long battle with cancer... I'm going to miss him so much" can turn into "My dad's suffering with cancer is finally over... I'm glad I got to spend time with him before he left."
Anyone suffering from ANY illness, physical or mental, needs to recognize the little blessings. ANYONE suffering from ANY stress need to recognize them for that matter!! And you always have to remember that you have the power to change your life. You do not need to sit and wallow in self-pity, you need to pull yourself up by your bootstrings and get going.
It would have been very easy for me to sit back and drug myself senseless when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia; but thank goodness for that psychologist that taught me to count my blessings because now... I'm not satisfied to sit back. I am fighting it tooth and nail and counting those blessings every single day!!
Tuesday, 24 July 2012
Understanding, acceptance and compassion
Tonight's blog is not about me... it is not about my fibro...
Tonight's blog is for my beautiful sister, Zabrina. Zabrina suffers from bipolar disorder. I have watched Zabrina live in my shadow our entire lives. I obviously didn't put her there, but I sometimes wonder if I've done enough to take her out of it.
Zabrina's largest strength and biggest weakness is her heart. Her whole life she lived to please everyone. She cleaned black boards and stayed after school to help, to be noticed... and instead they said... why aren't your marks as good as your sister's? She would snuggle and love her way through life and always be asked... why aren't you as good, as clean, as smart as your sister?
Her need to please left her open to people who took advantage of that kindness. She was bullied incessantly during elementary school and things didn't get much better for her as she aged.
We lived with parents who were both abused as children and who were both addicts of one kind or another, whether it was alcohol or something else. They did break the cycle of abuse as they knew it. They loved us, the best they knew how. I remember all sorts of wonderful things that they did with us and for us... but Zabrina only remembers the bad stuff. All the love in the world just couldn't help Zabrina be okay with the world and with herself.
And then, instead of supporting her, instead of loving her unconditionally, when she was diagnosed with bipolar I judged her. I wasn't the only one... but my support could have been the difference to her. I read a little bit about bipolar and figured I knew everything. I knew what medications she should... or should not... be taking. I figured I knew what kind of counselling she needed, what kind of cognitive behavioural therapy she should do... I knew it all. And know what? I may have been wrong.
So you may be wondering why the change of heart? As you all know by now... I am dealing with my own issues with fibromyalgia. And everyday I have people tell me what medications to take, what kind of therapy to get... exercise, rest, do this, do that. And I have had people tell me it is all in my mind, that if I didn't want to feel so bad I wouldn't. And this never ceases to annoy me. I am under medical care... we are working on what we feel is best for me and I really don't care what anyone else thinks. I am going to do what feels right for me and my doctor. And if all fails and this doesn't work then maybe I'll take some of the other advise.
But this weekend I heard all this stuff come from someone else's mouth about my sister and her bipolar. Someone who is supposed to be supportive above all else... who is supposed to love unconditionally. And this person wasn't even talking to Zabrina... this person was talking to her son!! He is only 13!! He should not have to carry this responsibility. BUT it did make me open MY eyes.
I do not want people to judge me, to be unsupportive of me so how DARE I do this to her!? Zabrina is fighting the good fight. I worry about her every day. If I can say anything in my defense it is that I just love her so damn much that I can't stand to see her hurt for one second... for her life to not be perfect in every aspect. But I have opened my eyes... I am going to learn as much as I can about this horrible disorder and do everything I can to help her.
I am going to give her all the understanding, acceptance and compassion that I can. I am going to make sure she knows that there is someone in her corner that is going to help her fight... but most importantly... I'm going to love HER with all the love that she has put out in this world.
My beautiful sister, you are amazing. You are kind, you are caring, you are loving. You have talents I can never hope to have and you are so important to me. Never doubt it!!
Tonight's blog is for my beautiful sister, Zabrina. Zabrina suffers from bipolar disorder. I have watched Zabrina live in my shadow our entire lives. I obviously didn't put her there, but I sometimes wonder if I've done enough to take her out of it.
Zabrina's largest strength and biggest weakness is her heart. Her whole life she lived to please everyone. She cleaned black boards and stayed after school to help, to be noticed... and instead they said... why aren't your marks as good as your sister's? She would snuggle and love her way through life and always be asked... why aren't you as good, as clean, as smart as your sister?
Her need to please left her open to people who took advantage of that kindness. She was bullied incessantly during elementary school and things didn't get much better for her as she aged.
We lived with parents who were both abused as children and who were both addicts of one kind or another, whether it was alcohol or something else. They did break the cycle of abuse as they knew it. They loved us, the best they knew how. I remember all sorts of wonderful things that they did with us and for us... but Zabrina only remembers the bad stuff. All the love in the world just couldn't help Zabrina be okay with the world and with herself.
And then, instead of supporting her, instead of loving her unconditionally, when she was diagnosed with bipolar I judged her. I wasn't the only one... but my support could have been the difference to her. I read a little bit about bipolar and figured I knew everything. I knew what medications she should... or should not... be taking. I figured I knew what kind of counselling she needed, what kind of cognitive behavioural therapy she should do... I knew it all. And know what? I may have been wrong.
So you may be wondering why the change of heart? As you all know by now... I am dealing with my own issues with fibromyalgia. And everyday I have people tell me what medications to take, what kind of therapy to get... exercise, rest, do this, do that. And I have had people tell me it is all in my mind, that if I didn't want to feel so bad I wouldn't. And this never ceases to annoy me. I am under medical care... we are working on what we feel is best for me and I really don't care what anyone else thinks. I am going to do what feels right for me and my doctor. And if all fails and this doesn't work then maybe I'll take some of the other advise.
But this weekend I heard all this stuff come from someone else's mouth about my sister and her bipolar. Someone who is supposed to be supportive above all else... who is supposed to love unconditionally. And this person wasn't even talking to Zabrina... this person was talking to her son!! He is only 13!! He should not have to carry this responsibility. BUT it did make me open MY eyes.
I do not want people to judge me, to be unsupportive of me so how DARE I do this to her!? Zabrina is fighting the good fight. I worry about her every day. If I can say anything in my defense it is that I just love her so damn much that I can't stand to see her hurt for one second... for her life to not be perfect in every aspect. But I have opened my eyes... I am going to learn as much as I can about this horrible disorder and do everything I can to help her.
I am going to give her all the understanding, acceptance and compassion that I can. I am going to make sure she knows that there is someone in her corner that is going to help her fight... but most importantly... I'm going to love HER with all the love that she has put out in this world.
My beautiful sister, you are amazing. You are kind, you are caring, you are loving. You have talents I can never hope to have and you are so important to me. Never doubt it!!
Sunday, 15 July 2012
Quite the week and then some...
Hi all,
For my Calgary friends... I hope you got a chance to get down to the grounds and take in the Stampede. I myself couldn't get over how many people were down there. It never ceases to amaze me how many people we can crowd into that little area!!
Today is not a great day. My pain level is the highest it has been for many weeks. Once I tell you about my week, it is going to be pretty obvious why. And as I was living it... I knew I was taking a great risk by doing all the things I've done and suffering from all the stress I suffered (not to mention that it is PMS week so we were expecting a little higher pain levels).
I started my week by making a pretty major life decision... whether or not to keep working at the job I have had for 15 years. Even though I hold the title of Executive Assistant at work, I am closer to an Office Manager. I don't really do a lot of Executive scheduling... no travel plans, no day to day scheduling. I am, however, responsible for the office equipment, stock and supplies; I maintain customer product and spend the largest portion of my day providing customer service and scheduling production of printing materials from customer phone call till it ships out the door. On top of that, I have been given the added responsibility that I have just felt wasn't, or shouldn't, be a part of my duties.
So on Tuesday, I had a very long discussion with the owner of the company. It was a very difficult conversation as you can well imagine, mostly because no one really likes conflict, but after 15 years in a less than 30 employee company, you make a lot of friends and get very close to a lot of people... so leaving would have been a painful experience. But I am very happy to say that I was heard with respect and an open mind. We are going to make some changes that is going to make my job a little easier and in the long run, I hope to make all of us a little happier (including my customers)!
With all that stress off my shoulders I ended up just plumb exhausted!! This should have been sign one that I really needed to take it easier. But it is summer after all, and the time for staff to start various vacations. And in a smaller company like I work for; during vacation days we all have to take on a few more duties and responsibilities. So I worked quite a bit harder this week than I normally would.
My weeknights were mostly restful and peaceful but as cold is not good for fibromyalgia patients neither is extreme heat. Calgary just went through quite the heat wave with average temperatures topping the high 20s / low 30s so no one was sleeping very well (unless your house is equipped with air conditioning). Whether you are a chronic pain sufferer or not; when the weather gets that hot your whole body just feels swollen and sluggish.
So now we have high stress and high heat adding together. You think I would have stopped and said... hmmm. But no... I had plans this weekend and nothing was getting in my way!! Silly Tab. So off I head to Camp Horizon (near Bragg Creek) to do a wonderful donation presentation. But it was about an hour out during rush hour, half hour back in the car, during this high heat.
Saturday we were off to breakfast with Christopher to wish him a happy 22nd birthday and then I went to the Stampede for the afternoon. Approximately 7 hours of walking kilometre after kilometre. Luckily, the heat was not as bad, we even got a few rain sprinklings along the way.
So now I will suffer for a bit. But sometimes I believe you just have to do these things. Yes it is EXTREMELY important to care for ones self... but is equally important to live. And for me... this week was worth the little bit of pain I will go through. And trust me... compared to a year ago, this is just a little bit of pain.
I would never recommend this course of action for those just starting their journey to recovery. At the beginning, it is just too important to follow the "rules" and take extra care and caution. But I am just truly optimistic that this will just be a minor set back on a journey of growth, wellness and healing.
For my Calgary friends... I hope you got a chance to get down to the grounds and take in the Stampede. I myself couldn't get over how many people were down there. It never ceases to amaze me how many people we can crowd into that little area!!
Today is not a great day. My pain level is the highest it has been for many weeks. Once I tell you about my week, it is going to be pretty obvious why. And as I was living it... I knew I was taking a great risk by doing all the things I've done and suffering from all the stress I suffered (not to mention that it is PMS week so we were expecting a little higher pain levels).
I started my week by making a pretty major life decision... whether or not to keep working at the job I have had for 15 years. Even though I hold the title of Executive Assistant at work, I am closer to an Office Manager. I don't really do a lot of Executive scheduling... no travel plans, no day to day scheduling. I am, however, responsible for the office equipment, stock and supplies; I maintain customer product and spend the largest portion of my day providing customer service and scheduling production of printing materials from customer phone call till it ships out the door. On top of that, I have been given the added responsibility that I have just felt wasn't, or shouldn't, be a part of my duties.
So on Tuesday, I had a very long discussion with the owner of the company. It was a very difficult conversation as you can well imagine, mostly because no one really likes conflict, but after 15 years in a less than 30 employee company, you make a lot of friends and get very close to a lot of people... so leaving would have been a painful experience. But I am very happy to say that I was heard with respect and an open mind. We are going to make some changes that is going to make my job a little easier and in the long run, I hope to make all of us a little happier (including my customers)!
With all that stress off my shoulders I ended up just plumb exhausted!! This should have been sign one that I really needed to take it easier. But it is summer after all, and the time for staff to start various vacations. And in a smaller company like I work for; during vacation days we all have to take on a few more duties and responsibilities. So I worked quite a bit harder this week than I normally would.
My weeknights were mostly restful and peaceful but as cold is not good for fibromyalgia patients neither is extreme heat. Calgary just went through quite the heat wave with average temperatures topping the high 20s / low 30s so no one was sleeping very well (unless your house is equipped with air conditioning). Whether you are a chronic pain sufferer or not; when the weather gets that hot your whole body just feels swollen and sluggish.
So now we have high stress and high heat adding together. You think I would have stopped and said... hmmm. But no... I had plans this weekend and nothing was getting in my way!! Silly Tab. So off I head to Camp Horizon (near Bragg Creek) to do a wonderful donation presentation. But it was about an hour out during rush hour, half hour back in the car, during this high heat.
Saturday we were off to breakfast with Christopher to wish him a happy 22nd birthday and then I went to the Stampede for the afternoon. Approximately 7 hours of walking kilometre after kilometre. Luckily, the heat was not as bad, we even got a few rain sprinklings along the way.
So now I will suffer for a bit. But sometimes I believe you just have to do these things. Yes it is EXTREMELY important to care for ones self... but is equally important to live. And for me... this week was worth the little bit of pain I will go through. And trust me... compared to a year ago, this is just a little bit of pain.
I would never recommend this course of action for those just starting their journey to recovery. At the beginning, it is just too important to follow the "rules" and take extra care and caution. But I am just truly optimistic that this will just be a minor set back on a journey of growth, wellness and healing.
Saturday, 7 July 2012
The Things We Miss
I had another happy, successful appointment with Dr. Tompkins again. I have been feeling so good, pain is low, cognition is up, sleep is better and the hours of energy I have are improving.
One of the things Dr. T mentioned that as people get better, blogs like mine will start to slide. She isn't wrong. I think my blog is as much for me as it is for you and as I feel better, I have less to say.
I am reminded to blog today as a Facebook friend posted on her wall about how bad she is feeling. I have recommended my blog to her realizing this could be her hope... if she is willing to give it a try.
My vitamin regiment has increased as I am now taking iron supplements so that brings me up to vitamin D, iodine, folic acid, and iron (Feramax). I don't know if it is the combo of these things, my better diet, my learning to rest when needed or what but something is working and I am not going to complain.
My pain levels have been sitting at about a 2 or 3/10 (10/10 being worst pain imaginable, 0/10 being no pain at all). I mentioned to Dr. Tompkins last appointment that is if this is as good as I get, I would be happy. She replied back that it is good enough for now, but it wouldn't be good for long. And she is right. I wasn't satisfied with my life as it was and so I've worked hard to get where I am... I can' t imagine a pain level of 2/10 will keep me satisfied for long... I will want to be a 0/10 before too long. So I keep maintaining my diet, my sleep, my vitamins.
When you are in pain, there are a lot of times when you sit and remember the things you used to be able to do that you can't anymore... like hiking, bike riding, walking up a flight of stairs, having sex. Oh yes... you stop having sex. Between no energy, massive pain and pure exhaustion, you can't even imagine having sex.
So... if you are a person suffering, please don't feel guilty about not being able to do these things. You can get better, you will get better you just have to be honest with yourself and work hard. If you are a person who is a friend or family member of a sufferer... please give them a break. They are already feeling so bad that your disbelief, your lack of support, your judgement will keep them sicker longer. If you are a spouse and missing out on the more "romantic" things in life, please be patient.
I do not know what I would do without Jay. He is so patient, so gentle and so considerate. And the most important thing about Jay is that he hasn't quit showing me his love. I still get little snuggles when I'm standing at the kitchen sink, he still holds my hand when we're walking through the mall, he still stops and gives me kisses and tells me how beautiful I am when I am feeling my worse. And I know that all these gentle loves come without the expectation of anything more. He always lets me initiate.
Something that you may not know (if you are the supporter of a chronic pain sufferer) is that sex makes fibromyalgia pain much, much worse. I often had to decide to have sex with my husband or not walk for 3-5 days... often walking would win out. But I am getting better (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) and not only I am I feeling better, but Jay will be feeling better too!! So please, take your time, don't push it.
It is easy to dwell on the things we miss... but you have to put those thoughts away. They need to be come goals, not daydreams. Work hard, eat better, get your rest and you will feel better!!
One of the things Dr. T mentioned that as people get better, blogs like mine will start to slide. She isn't wrong. I think my blog is as much for me as it is for you and as I feel better, I have less to say.
I am reminded to blog today as a Facebook friend posted on her wall about how bad she is feeling. I have recommended my blog to her realizing this could be her hope... if she is willing to give it a try.
My vitamin regiment has increased as I am now taking iron supplements so that brings me up to vitamin D, iodine, folic acid, and iron (Feramax). I don't know if it is the combo of these things, my better diet, my learning to rest when needed or what but something is working and I am not going to complain.
My pain levels have been sitting at about a 2 or 3/10 (10/10 being worst pain imaginable, 0/10 being no pain at all). I mentioned to Dr. Tompkins last appointment that is if this is as good as I get, I would be happy. She replied back that it is good enough for now, but it wouldn't be good for long. And she is right. I wasn't satisfied with my life as it was and so I've worked hard to get where I am... I can' t imagine a pain level of 2/10 will keep me satisfied for long... I will want to be a 0/10 before too long. So I keep maintaining my diet, my sleep, my vitamins.
When you are in pain, there are a lot of times when you sit and remember the things you used to be able to do that you can't anymore... like hiking, bike riding, walking up a flight of stairs, having sex. Oh yes... you stop having sex. Between no energy, massive pain and pure exhaustion, you can't even imagine having sex.
So... if you are a person suffering, please don't feel guilty about not being able to do these things. You can get better, you will get better you just have to be honest with yourself and work hard. If you are a person who is a friend or family member of a sufferer... please give them a break. They are already feeling so bad that your disbelief, your lack of support, your judgement will keep them sicker longer. If you are a spouse and missing out on the more "romantic" things in life, please be patient.
I do not know what I would do without Jay. He is so patient, so gentle and so considerate. And the most important thing about Jay is that he hasn't quit showing me his love. I still get little snuggles when I'm standing at the kitchen sink, he still holds my hand when we're walking through the mall, he still stops and gives me kisses and tells me how beautiful I am when I am feeling my worse. And I know that all these gentle loves come without the expectation of anything more. He always lets me initiate.
Something that you may not know (if you are the supporter of a chronic pain sufferer) is that sex makes fibromyalgia pain much, much worse. I often had to decide to have sex with my husband or not walk for 3-5 days... often walking would win out. But I am getting better (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) and not only I am I feeling better, but Jay will be feeling better too!! So please, take your time, don't push it.
It is easy to dwell on the things we miss... but you have to put those thoughts away. They need to be come goals, not daydreams. Work hard, eat better, get your rest and you will feel better!!
Saturday, 30 June 2012
RESULTS!!
Wow am I ever feeling good these days! I have energy to burn, my pain is down to a minimum and my mood is up!!
I went shopping for 2 1/2 hours yesterday for groceries which I haven't been able to do in years!! And yes, I was pretty sore last night but this morning I feel great. The bottom of my feet are pretty sore but I blame the unsupportive little flip flops I was wearing and not the fibro. Ya, good idea when you are ready to get out and explore the world again to be smart and wear the proper clothing and footwear!!
The night sweats have become a distant memory (okay they've been gone for 4 nights but still!!) which only proves to me that it was those darn birth control pills! So the plan is to wait for my next period, see how I feel the week before and during to see if I am getting better enough that my hormones don't make me relapse. So please keep your fingers crossed cause if I can stay off them I would really like to. If not, we are going to try a different brand that is lower in estrogen.
Speaking of estrogen, I did want to touch base quickly on soy products. Soy is very high in estrogen, that is why it is recommended that perimenopausal and menopausal women eat more soy-based products to minimize the effects of menopause. But for pubescent boys, the estrogen in soy can cause them to grow breasts... not a word of a lie and can make young girls develop faster as well. It is also not great for nonmenopausal women and even for men. High estrogen counts can cause all sorts of problems, not just reproductive related. As with fake sugars... soy is rearing its ugly head in a lot of packaged foods so keep an eye on it. Even those foods that are not vegan/vegetarian related. Processed meats, such as hot dogs, hamburgers and sandwich meats contain high soy contents as fillers. So just be aware... forewarned is forearmed!!
So now that I am starting to notice some serious results from my rehab plan I have to be extra cautious. Now is the time when us crazy chronic pain people (and A-type personalities) start to push ourselves again and relapse. So it is so important for me to be careful. I am obviously sitting here right now with my feet up, resting, talking to you all! But I did mention on facebook I wanted to go find some mischief to get into and my wonderful friend Angela reminded me that maybe today is the best time to find a tree to lean against and catch up on some reading! I can still be outside enjoying this great weather (cause who knows how long it will last?) but I can do it resting. Thank you Angela, always my little devil's advocate but you do help me keep it real.
I would love to go to a park and walk, play frisbee or bike ride but reality check... I'm not cured yet!! And pushing myself can make me relapse. This is where Dr. Tompkins' 100 day plan becomes so important. 100 days of feeling like this pretty much means I'm well on the mend. I will have periods, we will see crazy weather fluctuations and I will have high and low energy days at work within those days. If I continue to feel really great through all this for 100 days then there is a real good chance I will be "cured", for lack of a better word. Then I can hop on that bike and go for kilometres!!
One of my goals for my better days is a bike trip to Canmore. And I am extremely confident I can do that!! But for today my goal is to stay pain free, walk down the stairs with no aches and pains and to finish book 7 of the Legend of Drizzt. Happy Canada Day weekend my Canadian friends! I love you all.
I went shopping for 2 1/2 hours yesterday for groceries which I haven't been able to do in years!! And yes, I was pretty sore last night but this morning I feel great. The bottom of my feet are pretty sore but I blame the unsupportive little flip flops I was wearing and not the fibro. Ya, good idea when you are ready to get out and explore the world again to be smart and wear the proper clothing and footwear!!
The night sweats have become a distant memory (okay they've been gone for 4 nights but still!!) which only proves to me that it was those darn birth control pills! So the plan is to wait for my next period, see how I feel the week before and during to see if I am getting better enough that my hormones don't make me relapse. So please keep your fingers crossed cause if I can stay off them I would really like to. If not, we are going to try a different brand that is lower in estrogen.
Speaking of estrogen, I did want to touch base quickly on soy products. Soy is very high in estrogen, that is why it is recommended that perimenopausal and menopausal women eat more soy-based products to minimize the effects of menopause. But for pubescent boys, the estrogen in soy can cause them to grow breasts... not a word of a lie and can make young girls develop faster as well. It is also not great for nonmenopausal women and even for men. High estrogen counts can cause all sorts of problems, not just reproductive related. As with fake sugars... soy is rearing its ugly head in a lot of packaged foods so keep an eye on it. Even those foods that are not vegan/vegetarian related. Processed meats, such as hot dogs, hamburgers and sandwich meats contain high soy contents as fillers. So just be aware... forewarned is forearmed!!
So now that I am starting to notice some serious results from my rehab plan I have to be extra cautious. Now is the time when us crazy chronic pain people (and A-type personalities) start to push ourselves again and relapse. So it is so important for me to be careful. I am obviously sitting here right now with my feet up, resting, talking to you all! But I did mention on facebook I wanted to go find some mischief to get into and my wonderful friend Angela reminded me that maybe today is the best time to find a tree to lean against and catch up on some reading! I can still be outside enjoying this great weather (cause who knows how long it will last?) but I can do it resting. Thank you Angela, always my little devil's advocate but you do help me keep it real.
I would love to go to a park and walk, play frisbee or bike ride but reality check... I'm not cured yet!! And pushing myself can make me relapse. This is where Dr. Tompkins' 100 day plan becomes so important. 100 days of feeling like this pretty much means I'm well on the mend. I will have periods, we will see crazy weather fluctuations and I will have high and low energy days at work within those days. If I continue to feel really great through all this for 100 days then there is a real good chance I will be "cured", for lack of a better word. Then I can hop on that bike and go for kilometres!!
One of my goals for my better days is a bike trip to Canmore. And I am extremely confident I can do that!! But for today my goal is to stay pain free, walk down the stairs with no aches and pains and to finish book 7 of the Legend of Drizzt. Happy Canada Day weekend my Canadian friends! I love you all.
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